


What's Best For Them

by Aeradae



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Abuse Against Men, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexuality, Car Accidents, Children, Divorce, Dogs, Domestic Violence, Drunk Texting, Eventual Cullrian, Eventual Smut, F/M, Feeling Abandoned, Feeling down, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Loneliness, M/M, Making a new friend, Needing Help, Negative Thoughts, Nightmares, Past Character Death, Physical Abuse, Self-Doubt, Separation, Slow Burn, Temper Tantrums, Texting, failing marriage, feeling alone, living apart, nosy friends, parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-26 21:26:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5021101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeradae/pseuds/Aeradae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Modern AU] Cullen’s "perfect" life with his wife and daughter is slowly unravelling before his eyes and he doesn't know how to stop it. Fortunately for him, an event involving his daughter brings him into contact with someone who knows all too well the pain of an unhealthy relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Temper, Temper

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to make it clear that this fic starts out with a Cullen x Female relationship, and will eventually progress toward a Cullen x Dorian relationship.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A marriage continues to unravel. A child loses their temper. New friends are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 02/20/16 - I have made some changes to Ch 1, as I wasn't completely happy with the dialogue. No plot changes, I assure you. One of you lovely readers pointed out that the fight was... well, harsh on both sides basically, and I agree. Cullen's dog is also now first mentioned in Ch 1 instead of in Ch 3 because it make more sense to the overall story.

“Cullen, we are _not_ having this conversation right now!”

“You _never_ want to have this conversation! When are we finally going to talk about what is going on with us? I would love for you to explain why serving me the divorce papers suddenly became so urgent that you had to disrupt me in middle of the work day. Did you enjoy embarrassing me in front of not only my coworkers, but my boss as well?”

“That’s because there isn’t all that much to talk about! Were you really that surprised by the papers? I saw a good opportunity to serve them to you and I took advantage of it.”

“You certainly picked the perfect time, one where you knew I couldn’t confront you about it. That’s low, even for you. I was supposed to know this would be coming? Apparently I don’t know much of anything lately. We hardly see one another because you seem to spend as much time away from home as possible. We barely communicate for more than a few minutes at a time, and only then if it concerns our child. It seems a little strange to me.”

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford, what is that supposed to mean?”

“Honestly Malyse, sometimes I wonder if you are seeing someone else.”

“How _dare_ you consider such a thing!”

“No, how dare _you_ do all of this behind my back! You’re just throwing everything that we worked so hard to achieve together! Don’t you even care how this affects me? How it will affect our daughter?”

“You keep Paige out of this!”

“Paige is the reason I am bringing this up in the first place! You go ahead and try to make all of these important decisions without me. This is something that we should be working on together, if not for our own sakes, then for hers. She deserves better than this.”

“You know what Paige deserves? She deserves to be happy, and she’s not going to find that here when we obviously aren’t functioning as a proper couple anymore. We can hardly even have a conversation without fighting. And I think your nightmares are affecting more aspects of your life than you think.”

“ _That_ is what you are the most concerned about, my nightmares? You know they affect me more when I am under a lot of stress. If you want to truly go through with this divorce, then it must be done delicately. Do you want her to have the same unhappy, damaged childhood that you did? Do you want her to wonder if her parents even love her, or if they just vie to be the favourite parent out of a sense of pride? She--”

Cullen’s head snapped to the side with the force of Malyse’s slap. “I told you to never mention that.” Her hand remained raised, ready to hit him again if he said anything else. For a moment, Cullen’s vision filled with stars. He slowly turned his head back to look at her, rubbing at his aching cheek. He was ashamed to admit to himself that he was starting to get used to this. Without another word Cullen left the room, leaving an enraged Malyse standing alone in the middle of the kitchen.

He made his way up the stairs and down the hall to their five year old daughter’s room. She was sitting at her pink princess table, a look of heavy concentration on her face as she worked on a crayon drawing. Kipper, Cullen’s beloved german shepherd, whined and thumped her tail against the floor as she saw him in the doorway. A grin spread across Paige’s face as she looked up to see what had caught Kipper’s attention. “Hi daddy!” she greeted, motioning him to join her at the table.

“Hello, my little goldilocks.” Cullen sank down beside her with a weary sigh and pulled Paige into his lap. He held her close, face buried in her golden curls. The ache and sorrow in his heart only grew as she giggled, snuggling closer against his chest and attempting to fit her small arms around his broad chest. Throat closing against a sob, Cullen felt his eyes filling with tears. _I don’t think I can do this anymore. I tried so hard to keep us together as a functioning and happy family, for you. Only for you. But I’m afraid that it’s only making things worse. I’m so sorry that I have failed you…_

Paige must have noticed his body trembling, as she pulled back slightly to look up into his face. “Daddy, why are you sad?” she asked, her green eyes wide.

Cullen sniffed slightly, wiping away the two tears that had managed to snake down his cheeks with the backs of his hand. “Daddy just had a very long day and is very frustrated, that’s all,” he assured her, bending down to kiss her nose.

Giggling, Paige stretched up to reciprocate the gesture. “Don’t be sad, daddy. Maybe if we do something fun, you won’t be sad anymore? Like go to the park?”

Cullen couldn’t help but smile at her eagerness. “I would love to go to the park with you. It might be nice to get out of the house for a while. Come on, let’s go get your coat and shoes.” He scooped her up in his arms and carried her downstairs.  

\---

The drive to the park was only about ten minutes, but in that time Cullen managed to calm down and get his emotions under control. Every mile he drove eased the heavy feeling that had been clenching around his heart and hindering his ability to draw a proper breath.  

When they entered the park Paige immediately pulled him toward the sandbox in the corner, and he was content to let her guide him. She led him over to an empty corner and began making plans to build a large sandcastle for her stuffed pink nug, aptly named Pinky.

A buzzing from his back pocket reminded Cullen why they were at the park in the first place. With a small sigh he pulled his phone out and tapped the screen to check his notifications. He had several text messages from Melyse. “Paige, I have to talk to mommy for a few minutes. I’ll just be on the bench nearby if you need me, alright?”

Paige nodded. “Is mommy really mad at you again?” she asked as she began to shovel sand into one the buckets she had brought from the car.

Cullen’s heart sank at her words. _I’ve wondered how much she understands about this whole mess. I guess that answers my question_. “Ah, mommy is a little mad at me right now, yes.”

“Maybe if you say sorry, she won’t be so mad?”

He couldn’t help but smile a little at her words. “I’m afraid it’s not quite that simple, but thank you for the suggestion.” He leaned back against the back of the bench as he swiped his phone open to read the text messages.    

[4:52pm] {Malyse}: Where did u run off to with Paige??

[4:52pm] {Malyse}: She’s supposed to have dinner soon!

[4:53pm] {Cullen}: I told you I was taking her to the park to give her a break from our fighting.

[4:54pm] {Cullen}: Besides, I need to spend some time away from you to clear my head and gather my thoughts. Things were getting too intense again.

[4:55pm] {Malyse}: I’m her mother, I know what’s best for her!!

[4:55pm] {Malyse}: And maybe if u actually LISTENED when I talk I wouldn’t have to YELL AT U all the time!!

[4:56pm] {Malyse}: I think I’m the one that needs to spend time away from u.

[4:57pm] {Cullen}: What?! You’re just parroting what I say. No, this is ridiculous. I’m done talking right now. We’ll be back in a little while.

[4:57pm] {Cullen}: You already spend so much time avoiding me, so what’s the difference????

[4:58pm] {Malyse}: CULLEN YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT OR I SWEAR TO THE MAKER—

A squeal of pain snapped Cullen’s head up from his phone. His eyes were drawn to the sandbox with a sudden feeling of panic. He was already on his feet and striding forward before his mind fully processed the scene before him. Paige was on her feet, cheeks flushed a deep pink, her tiny hands balled into fists as she stared furiously at a little girl who was on the ground next to her. The other girl was holding the side of her head and crying loudly into the crook of her elbow.

Cullen pulled Paige away from the other girl, a heavy frown on his face. “Paige! What happened here?”

Paige pointed accusingly at the other girl, her green eyes flashing in fury. "She knocked my sand castle over!"

“Did you hit her?”

“It was perfect and then she wrecked it!”

“You didn’t have to hit her. I’m sure it was just an accident, Paige.” He turned his attention to the other girl. “Are you alright, sweetheart? Is your mommy or daddy here with you?”

“S-she hit me! Papa!” she wailed.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Cullen said soothingly. He huddled beside her and pushed her hair aside to expose her scalp where she had been holding it. It was slightly reddened, but there were no cuts or bruises so at least that meant Paige hadn’t seriously harmed her. 

“What has happened here?” Cullen looked up to see a handsome, well-dressed man hurrying over to them.

“Is that your papa?” Cullen asked the girl. She nodded and held her arms out for him.

“My daughter hit yours, I’m afraid. I’m terribly sorry about this. I checked her head and she doesn’t appear to be injured.”

The man frowned slightly. “Ah, I see. Quite the temper on that one, hmm?” He sat down in the sandbox next to his daughter, unconcerned about his clothing, and pulled her into his lap. He folded his arms around her and began to rock her gently back and forth.

“She can have quite the temper, unfortunately. She must get that from her mother.” Cullen looked over at Paige, who was standing nearby with a now slightly guilty expression on her face, the pink having faded from her cheeks. He motioned her to come closer. “Paige, you should know that we don't hit people when we get upset."

Paige tilted her head at him. "Then why does _mommy_ hit you when she's mad at you?"

A slightly hitched breath reminded Cullen that there were others within earshot. He felt a deep blush creep over his cheeks as he realized how terrible Paige’s statement must have sounded to the stranger. _Airing my personal affairs in front of strangers is just the icing on the cake today. I can’t imagine how uncomfortable he feels now. The way she said it… Well, not that there is really any better way to put it, honestly…_

Cullen knelt down next to Paige and took her hands between his own. “You should never have had to see such a terrible thing. It's wrong of mommy to hit me. No one should ever hit someone else. I think that you should tell this girl that you're sorry for what you did. Look, she’s crying.”

The other girl’s sobbing had subsided to the occasional sniffle, although a few tears still trailed down her cheeks. Paige sidled out of her father’s grasp and next to the girl. “I’m… I’m sorry,” she said as she dug her toe into the sand beneath her feet, suddenly shy. She looked thoughtful for a moment before bending down next to her ruined sandcastle and picking up Pinky the nug. She held him in her hands for a long moment before holding it out to the other girl.

“I’m sorry I made you sad. You can take Pinky. He always makes me feel better when I’m sad.”

“Really?” The other girl carefully took the stuffed animal in her hands, drawing it close against her chest. “He’s so cute,” she replied timidly as a smile lit up her face. “Thank you!”

\---

“She _misses_ you! You’re telling me that you can’t take an hour out of your day to come and visit her?”

“I’m sorry, Dorian, but I really can’t today.”

“You do remember that you are her father as well, don’t you? That you helped me raise her and therefore should have at least a _hint_ of paternal love or even affection for her? That you should spend some time with her every once in a while? You _promised_ her that you would show up this time!”

“I know I did, but something came up at the last minute.”

“What on earth could be more important than our _daughter_?! The last time you cancelled she cried for almost an hour! How can you do this to her?”

“Look, I said I was sorry, alright! Next time I will make it for sure. I can’t control when things come up. I have to go. I’ll text you later.”

Dorian snarled to himself as the line went dead. He began to pace back and forth, running a hand through his hair in frustration. _I can’t believe him! Just because we are no longer dating doesn’t mean that he should just throw his obligations out the window! My poor Sierra… she’s going to be so heartbroken when I tell her that he cancelled yet again…_

His head snapped around as he heard Sierra scream. She was holding her head and sitting at the feet of an angry blonde girl around the same age. He hurried over as a man with the same curly blonde hair crouched down to check if Sierra had been injured.  

“What has happened here?” he asked with a small frown as he pulled Sierra into his arms and began to rock her soothingly. He listened as the man explained what had happened. He couldn’t help but notice that the man was incredibly attractive. _Now is not the time, Dorian…_

The man turned to talk to his daughter, and Dorian went about calming Sierra down. He had already determined she was not harmed, just surprised and a bit frightened. A fragment of the conversation next to him caught his attention. _Then why does mommy hit you when she's mad at you?_ Dorian kept his head down and focused on Sierra, but his breath hitched slightly at the girl’s words. He didn’t even know the man, yet he couldn’t help but feel awfully sad for him. _Sounds like I’m not the only one who is having relationship troubles at the moment…_ He rubbed Sierra’s back soothingly and murmured in her ear. “Now, now, Sierra. I’m sure that you were frightened and that it hurt, but I’m here now. Papa’s here.”

At the sound of shuffling footsteps, Dorian looked up to find the other girl looking at Sierra thoughtfully before picking up her stuffed nug and offering it to Sierra. Sierra accepted the gift with a shy smile and a thank you.

Dorian looked over at the blonde man. "That is very kind of your little one, but it’s really not necessary for her to give away one of her toys."

The man shrugged. "She likes to give presents when people are sad. Especially when she helps to make them that way."

Sierra was hugging the nug tightly to her chest. "That's so sweet. My dear, are you sure that you want to give this away? It seems like it is a favourite of yours.”

The girl nodded. “I have lots of toys. I don’t mind. Besides, it seems like she really likes nugs too.”

Dorian smiled. “That is correct. She does indeed like nugs.”

“They’re my favourites,” Sierra piped up shyly, burying her face in Dorian’s shirt.

Dorian chuckled as he stroked her dark hair. “That’s my girl.” He turned his attention to Cullen, noting the small smile on his face at the exchange. He had a lovely smile, and the scar on his upper lip only served to enhance it. He held out a hand. “I'm Dorian by the way. And this lovely child is Sierra.”

The blonde shook his hand, his grip strong beneath Dorian’s fingers. “Cullen. And my daughter is Paige. It's nice to meet you, although it's a shame it happened for this reason."

Dorian let go of his hand with the slightest hint of regret. He shook his head. "She is fine, I assure you. I think she was more startled than anything. She tends to be a bit dramatic sometimes, no doubt thanks to me."

“I know how that is. I’m fairly certain this one gets both her temper and her sass from her mother.” Dorian noted that Cullen’s mouth twitched slightly at the mention of Paige’s mother.

“Daddy!” Paige motioned Cullen to bend his head down so that she could whisper in his ear. Cullen smiled as he listened. Dorian looked over with a curious arch of an eyebrow.

“Paige wants to ask if Sierra wants to play with her sometime.”

Dorian looked down at his daughter. “What do you think, my love?”

“Yes!” she squeaked as she squeezed the stuffed nug tightly.

Dorian laughed. “I suppose I should get your number then so we can set up a play date sometime.” He rattled off his name and phone number as Cullen added a new contact, texting Dorian afterwards with his own information.

“Sierra, I’m afraid that we should be getting home now.”

“Daddy is coming over soon, right?”

Dorian had to bite his lip to hold back the angry comment that instantly sprang to mind. “I’m afraid not, Sierra. He called me a little while ago to tell me that he can’t come over today anymore. He said something very important came up and that he’s very sorry.”

“But he promised!” Sierra whined as her bottom lip trembled slightly.

“I know, my love. I’m so sorry. I told him not to promise anymore because he always breaks them.” He looked at Cullen apologetically. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to air our personal issues like this.”

Cullen cleared his throat, rubbing at the back of his neck. “No, no, it’s fine. I know the feeling. I’m, ah, having a bit of personal trouble as well, as you probably heard earlier.”

“I did happen to hear a thing or two, though I swear I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. It sounds like we have something in common. At least the dads will have something to talk about while the girls play.” Dorian patted Cullen’s shoulder and took Sierra’s hand in his own. “I will text you later on tonight or maybe tomorrow to set up the date. It was very nice to meet you, Cullen and Paige. Until next time.”


	2. Coping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Malyse have a much-needed discussion. Cullen receives a strange late-night text.

_Well, this is definitely not how I expected my evening to go…_

As Cullen buckled Paige into her car seat, he suddenly remembered that he had not responded to Malyse’s latest text in over half an hour. _Damn._ _This is not going to be good… I’m surprised she hasn’t resorted to calling yet._ Once he was settled into the driver’s seat he pulled out his phone to read the rest of the text. It had been joined by several others.

[4:58pm] {Malyse}: CULLEN YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT OR I SWEAR TO THE MAKER YOU WILL REGRET IT.

[5:33pm] {Malyse}: Cullen?!

[5:33pm] {Malyse}: Why aren’t u responding to me?!?!

[5:34pm] {Cullen}: Sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore your text. I was dealing with a small situation over here.

[5:34pm] {Cullen}: Paige hit another little girl while we were at the park.

[5:35pm] {Cullen}: The other girl is fine, but I’m concerned that Paige’s temper is starting to get out of hand.

[5:36pm] {Malyse}: Is Paige alright?!?! Did the other girl hurt her?

[5:38pm] {Cullen}: … you read that Paige was the one that hit the other girl, right?

[5:38pm] {Cullen}: The other girl didn’t even touch her.

[5:39pm] {Malyse}: The other girl must have provoked her! What did she do?

[5:41pm] {Cullen}: … she did nothing to Paige! Paige lost her temper and lashed out.

[5:41pm] {Cullen}: Sound familiar to you??

[5:42pm] {Cullen}: Even if she had, that is no excuse to hit someone!

[5:44pm] {Malyse}: She’s just being a bit too expressive when it comes to her emotions.

[5:44pm] {Malyse}: Nothing to be concerned about.

[5:48pm] {Cullen}: … I think we need to have a serious talk when I get home…

[5:44pm] {Malyse}: ??? About???

[5:50pm] {Cullen}: Can’t talk for a bit, I’m driving back now.

Cullen scrubbed a hand across the stubble on his cheek, sighing wearily as he pulled out of the parking lot. The fact that Malyse seemed so unconcerned about their daughter’s behaviour disturbed him almost as much as the behaviour itself. He knew that Paige had witnessed some of their fights, much to his shame, but he had been blissfully naïve to believe that she wouldn’t pick up on some of the things she had seen. He felt like he was failing her as a parent.

His eyes flicked up to the rear view mirror to check on Paige, who had been uncharacteristically quiet the last few minutes. They hadn’t been in the vehicle long but she had already fallen asleep, her golden curls covering part of her face as her head rested against the padding of the car seat.

Cullen’s chest puffed out a bit with pride and happiness as he stole glances at her now and then. His clever, thoughtful, loving, beautiful daughter. The light of his life. For so long he had struggled with the idea that he would never have a family, that he would never have the chance to be a father. The day Paige was born had been the day that Cullen finally felt he was whole, that he had found what he had been waiting all his life for. He regretted many things that had happened, one of them being the gradual crumbling of his marriage, but Paige was the one thing he could honestly say he never had a single doubt about.

The drive seemed to take longer than usual, but he eagerly welcomed the precious moments of silence while they lasted. All too soon he was pulling into their driveway. “We’re home now, my love,” Cullen murmured as he opened the truck’s back door and bent down next to Paige. She murmured something in her sleep but did not awaken. He gently unbuckled her and manoeuvred her from the car seat to his arms. She sighed and pressed her face against his neck as she shifted slightly to get more comfortable.

Malyse was waiting in the living room for them when he entered the house, jumping to her feet and rushing over. “Is she alright?” she asked sharply, reaching her hands out to pull Paige out of his arms. Paige awoke sharply to the sound of her mother’s voice, too loud and too close to her head, clinging tightly to Cullen’s neck as she blinked the sleep from her eyes.

He turned away and brushed Malyse’s hands aside. He rubbed Paige’s back soothingly and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “She is completely fine, just tired out from playing. Paige, are you hungry?”

“Yes, daddy.” She wriggled until Cullen put her down. “Can I have noodles for dinner?”

Cullen could see Malyse shaking her head slightly from the corner of his eye. “I think mommy already made you something for dinner. Mommy, is that right?”

“I made you chicken strips and fries, Paige.”

“Aww,” Paige replied with a small pout.

“That sounds really yummy, actually,” Cullen commented. “If you don’t want any that’s okay. That just means there’s more for me.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t want them!” Paige trotted over to the kitchen table and hopped up onto her chair.

“Wash your hands first please, Paige.”

“But mommmm, I’m hungry!”

“You still have to wash your hands first, my dear.” Malyse glanced over at Cullen, who had taken off his coat and tucked his shoes away in the closet. “We’ll talk after she goes to bed, if that’s what you wish.” Cullen nodded slightly. Satisfied, she turned away and focused her attention on setting out their dinner.

When Paige finished eating they allowed her to spend half an hour watching a few children’s Youtube videos before it was time for a bath. Malyse offered to do the task herself, and for once Cullen didn’t argue with her. Kissing Paige’s cheek and giving her a squeeze, Cullen bid her goodnight and tried to settle in the living room to wait.

Nerves got the best of him after only a few minutes. He began to pace the room while he waited for Malyse to finish putting Paige to bed, scrubbing a hand through his unruly curls and rubbing at his neck as he tried to put together what he wanted to say. What _did_ he want to say, exactly? There was so much, but where to begin? He had a feeling that their conversation was not going to end well, but he had to at least make the effort. He was tired of shoving their issues under the rug and pretending they didn’t exist. Things couldn’t keep going on the way they had. It had been too many months of this distance, too much unhappiness, too much pain and silence between them. Something had to change.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Malyse was leaning a shoulder against the door frame, arms folded across her chest. He started slightly, having been so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn’t even heard her approach.

Motioning for her to sit on the couch, he took the chair and leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. _Deep breaths now. Just say it. Get it out there. You have to do this_. “We need to talk about Paige’s behaviour lately. It… She’s been acting out a lot, not at all like her usual self.”

Malyse frowned. “What are you talking about? She’s been fine.”

Cullen sighed heavily. “This is part of the problem. She’s been very confrontational and increasingly aggressive toward others, especially other children.”

“Is this about the girl in the park? It doesn’t seem like it was a big deal. You said the other girl wasn’t even hurt. So what’s the problem? Kids are kids; they can be short-tempered with each other sometimes.”

“This is not kids being kids, this is a learned behaviour! She used to be so sweet and even-tempered but now she snaps at others a lot when she doesn’t get her own way. And now she’s even hitting other kids. Even if she doesn’t truly hurt someone, Paige cannot grow up believing that type of behaviour is okay. You haven’t been the greatest role model in that regard, I’m afraid.” _And there it is, out in the open._

Malyse rolled her eyes. “That’s utterly ridiculous! Yes I do yell at you sometimes, but I don’t hit you that often. And it’s not like I hit you hard to enough actually hurt you or cause any damage.”

“Why is that so ridiculous? Because I am a man? What, I can’t feel pain or have deeper emotions because I have a dick between my legs? Abuse is abuse, regardless of gender.”

“This is why we can’t get along anymore. Why this marriage is failing. The man I married used to be strong and solid, dominating, in control. He never would have let emotions get the best of him. What changed?”

“I’m not the only one that has changed, Malyse. What happened to the loving, happy woman that I married? You care more about your precious job than you do about your family. You shy away from any type of affection I try to give you, even though it is something that you used to crave. You never want to spend time with me, or spend time together as a family. What changed?”

“I guess I realized this isn’t what I want, not anymore,” Malyse replied, almost to herself.

Cullen’s breath hitched. It felt like she had slapped him all over again. He would have preferred the physical pain to the emotional right now. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he felt a headache start up behind his eyes. “I… I think I’m finally done. If you want this divorce so badly, then fine. I don’t know why I even try anymore, when your heart obviously isn’t in this relationship, this life we’ve built together.”

Malyse threw up her hands. “It’s not like that! I care for you, but we just don’t work well together anymore. That love we shared, that fire, that passion that filled our lives in the beginning, it has faded to nothing but faint sparks. That’s what happens sometimes in relationships, Cullen. Sometimes love isn’t enough.”

Suddenly Cullen was incredibly tired, his mind and body feeling battered and bruised. “It was enough for me,” he said softly.

Her expression softened for a fraction of a second before Malyse caught herself and hid it behind her mask of indifference. “Then you’re more naïve than I thought. I’m sorry, but this just isn’t working, not anymore.” She shook her head, getting to her feet and walking to the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I can’t be here right now. This is too much. I’m going to stay at my mother’s tonight. It will be better this way, because I think we need some time apart. Paige can stay here. You’re off tomorrow anyway and I’d rather not wake her up unless I have to.”

Cullen rubbed his aching head. “I think that might be for the best,” he agreed. If he was being honest with himself, he really did not want to spend the night in the same house. He needed to be alone for a while so he could sort through his scattered thoughts.  

He absently watched the movie that had been playing quietly in the background while Malyse went upstairs to grab some of her things. She came back down a little while later with a duffel bag and her coat. He could barely bring himself to look at her right now.

“I called my mother, so she knows I am heading over. I also peeked in to check on Paige. She’s sleeping peacefully. I had nothing planned for her tomorrow, so just try and keep her busy as best you can.”

There was an awkward silence as Malyse stood in front of him for a moment, waiting for his response. Cullen let out a soft sigh, tearing his gaze away from the television to look up into her green eyes. His heart sank a little more when he noticed that the warmth that used to fill them when she looked at him had mostly faded away, replaced with a strange emptiness. So many things had changed. They had changed. They could never get back what they had lost.

“I’ll take good care of her. Drive safely,” Cullen finally forced out.

“Thank you.” With a small wave, she turned her back to him and left the house. The sound of the door clicking shut behind her carried a feeling of finality that Cullen just couldn’t shake.

\---

“Daddy doesn’t want to see me, does he?”

Dorian’s stomach clenched at the heartbreaking question, his hand stilling on the storybook page he had been in the process of turning as he looked down at Sierra’s suddenly solemn face. He closed the book and took her tiny hands between his own. “That’s not true, my heart.”

“Then why does he hardly come over? Was I bad? Is he mad at me?”

His breath hitching in his throat, it took Dorian a moment to respond. “You were definitely not bad, and he is not mad at you. Daddy has been very busy at work, and he goes out of town a lot. He does want to come and see you, but he is doing a rather bad job of it, isn’t he?”

Sierra nodded, curling closely into Dorian’s side. He tucked the book away on the night stand and wrapped his arms around her tightly. “I miss him, papa.”

Dorian’s eyes stung with tears that he stubbornly refused to shed. Not again. “I miss him too.”

“You know what else I miss, papa?”

“What’s that?”

“I miss when you used to smile more. When daddy was still here, you smiled all the time. Now you’re sad all the time. Maybe if daddy knew that, he would come back?”

Dorian stroked her dark hair gently as he thought about the best way to phrase the answer so she would understand. “I’m afraid that wouldn’t be enough, Sierra. Daddy and I are better off not being together, even if that makes me sad a lot. It will get better in time, I promise. We realized too late that we are not meant to be together, that we should love other people. Does that make sense?”

“So you weren’t meant to live happily ever after, like in the stories?”

Dorian huffed a sudden laugh. “Yes, my love, exactly like that. I’m sorry that I’m sad a lot. You know what makes me happy, though?”

“What?”

Dorian poked a finger lightly against the end of her nose. “You. You make me happy. Happier than any other person in the world.” The smile Sierra aimed at him warmed his heart. “What do you say that we go out and do more stuff together? Maybe this weekend?”

“Okay! And…” Sierra hesitated for a moment. “And maybe we could go and see Paige too?”

“I will talk to her dad tomorrow and we will set up a day, alright?” Sierra nodded enthusiastically, throwing her arms around his chest. “For now, though, I think it is bedtime. You’ve had a long day and need your rest.”

“Okay, papa.”

Dorian tucked Sierra in, her new nug from Paige nestled in beside her, kissing her goodnight and turning on the night light before he left. He immediately made a beeline for the kitchen to hunt down the hard liquor he had tucked away somewhere for an occasion such as this. For the first couple swallows he didn’t even bother with a glass, the amber liquid sluicing down his throat straight from the bottle. The harsh burn of the alcohol was oddly soothing. He grabbed a glass and filled it half way before bringing it and the bottle with him into the living room, setting them on the table before flinging himself down onto the couch.

He thought he had been hiding it fairly well, but even Sierra had picked up on his sadness. It wasn’t even so much that he wanted to get back together with Aiden, although he did truly miss him. He found he missed the companionship, the talks, the time spent with another adult doing adult things. More than anything else, he was _lonely_ without Aiden.

He drank in complete silence for a time, until he couldn’t stand to be alone with the thoughts chasing themselves in frantic circles in his head. Searching through his contacts with slightly blurred vision, he clicked on the one he needed and began to type.

\---

_Are you still watching “House, M. D.”?_

Cullen blinked. He hadn’t realized that he had watched enough episodes in a row that Netflix wondered if he was even still there. Watching television shows allowed his brain free reign to work out the issues that were bothering him.

His phone buzzed on the table. He leaned forward after a moment to grab it, expecting it to be Malyse giving him instructions on how to take care of their daughter as if he didn’t already know. A frown wrinkled his brow as he looked at the sender of the message. _Dorian? Well that was quick_. He swiped his phone open to read the message.

[10:06pm] {Dorian}: How can you not love her? She’s the most precious thing in this world. She thinks that you’re mad at her, that she was bad! How you could let this happen??

Cullen stared at the text, momentarily lost. _How can you not love her… Oh. He did mention something about his partner not being able to see Sierra today_. He considered not responding, as Dorian probably would soon realize his mistake, but his heart went out to him and he found himself drafting a response.

[10:08pm] {Cullen}: Dorian? It appears you texted the wrong number just now. This is Cullen, from the park earlier today.

[10:10pm] {Dorian}: Kaffas! My apologies for the mistake. I’m just… very out of sorts right now.

[10:10pm] {Dorian}: And possibly drunk…

[10:11pm] {Dorian}: Maybe a lot drunk…

[10:14pm] {Cullen}: I don’t mean to be intrusive, but… are you alright?

[10:15pm] {Dorian}: Yes.

[10:16pm] {Dorian}: No, not really.

[10:18pm] {Dorian}: When we got home I had to try and explain to Sierra that my ex wants to see her but he’s been too busy. Which I don’t even think is true, honestly.

[10:20pm] {Dorian}: She thinks she did something wrong, that she’s being punished. She's six fucking years old and she is blaming herself.

[10:21pm] {Dorian}: I feel like the worst parent in the world right now.

[10:24pm] {Dorian}: Maker's breath, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to unload my problems onto you. You barely even know me. I'm afraid to know what you must think of me by now. I'll stop bothering you now.

[10:25pm] {Cullen}: No no, you don't have to apologize. You're upset, and understandably so.

[10:26pm] {Cullen}: You're not bothering me at all. It's not like I'm busy or anything so feel free to vent away.

[10:27pm] {Cullen}: Although I hope you are prepared to hear a vent in return because I happen to have one prepared.

[10:29pm] {Cullen}: My daughter is having issues as well. She is learning from her mother that yelling at and hitting others is okay. That being angry is a good enough excuse to physically lash out.

[10:31pm] {Dorian}: It's terrible but I'm almost happy to know someone else isn't in a state of happy, carefree bliss.

[10:33pm] {Dorian}: It's just... I don't have many friends here. In fact I hardly know anyone here except for my coworkers and people I've met through my ex. I guess that makes me a bit lonely now.

[10:35pm] {Dorian}: When we divided up our belongings I'm afraid Aiden got the friends while I was left with man's best friend of the four-legged variety.

[10:37pm] {Cullen}: I'm not so rich on friends myself. I met most of my friends through my wife and I think that most of them look down on me, honestly.

[10:38pm] {Cullen}: I should start getting used to calling her my ex-wife, I suppose.

[10:41pm] {Dorian}: Uh oh. I take it things aren't going well with her?

[10:44pm] {Cullen}: Not unless being served divorce papers in the middle of the work day by one of the people you suspect she is interested in has suddenly become a good thing.

[10:45pm] {Dorian}: Oh. Oh no… I'm so sorry to hear that.

[10:47pm] {Dorian}: We're quite the pair, aren't we?

[10:50pm] {Dorian}: I hate to abandon our conversation on such a note, but I suppose I should fall onto my bed and pass out in a drunken stupor now. It's been that sort of day.

[10:53pm] {Dorian}: I appreciate that you spent some of your evening listening to my complaining even though you haven't had such a great day yourself. Thank you.

[10:54pm] {Cullen}: Anytime :) Thank you for listening to me as well.

[10:54pm] {Cullen}: It actually felt good to get some of it out of my system.

[10:56pm] {Dorian}: I'm but a text away if you have need of it again ;)

[10:57pm] {Dorian}: Goodnight, Cullen.

[10:58pm] {Cullen}: Goodnight, Dorian.


	3. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Dorian regret most of their decisions the night before and make plans for a play date. Dorian's co workers get nosy about his personal life.

Cullen let out a low moan as he slowly returned to consciousness. His head hurt. A lot. _That’s what happens when I sit at home and pig out on junk food all night by myself_ , he though ruefully as he scrubbed a hand over his face. After finishing his conversation with Dorian the night before and finding nothing better to do, he had gathered an armful of pop, candy, and chips and binge watched television shows on Netflix until the wee hours of the morning. When he had finally had enough, much later than anticipated, he had sleepily stumbled his way up to check on Paige before crawling into his own bed, already dreading the inevitable sugar headache he would have in the morning. To his disappointment, he hadn’t been wrong.

He hissed slightly in surprise and pain as the bed began to bounce violently next to him.

“Daddyyyyyy,” Paige crooned in a sing song voice, plopping her small body next to his. Kipper, their beloved german shepherd, made herself comfortable at the end of the bed next to his feet. Normally she wasn’t allowed on the bed, especially when Malyse was home, but Cullen couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment.

“Good morning, Paige. Good morning, Kipper.” Cullen couldn’t help but smile at Paige’s exuberance as he reached over to muss her curls. She giggled and tried to push his hand away. Kipper nudged at Cullen’s knee with her nose, seeking some of the attention. When he reached down and began to scratch behind her ears she sighed contentedly.

“Daddy, where’s mommy? Did she go to work really early?”

Cullen considered her question for a moment. “No, mommy didn’t go to work early today,” he finally answered honestly. “Mommy went to stay at grandma’s house for the night.”

“She went to grandma’s house without us?”

“Yes, she went without us. She had something very important to talk to grandma about and she didn’t want to wake you up. Don’t worry, we’ll make a trip over to see grandma soon. It will just be you and me hanging out for the most part. What do you want to do today?” _I bet I can take a wild guess_.

Paige rolled onto her stomach and rested her chin in her hand, eyebrows furrowing as she thought for a moment. “Can you call Sierra’s daddy?”

 _I knew it_. Cullen chuckled. “Yes, I will call Sierra’s dad. They might be busy today though, my goldilocks. Don’t get your hopes up too high just in case they aren’t free, alright?”

“Okay. Daddy, can you make me some breakfast before you call them?”

“Of course I can. Why don’t you go put a cartoon on and I will be down in a minute. I just need to check my phone messages really quick in case I have one from work.” Paige hopped off the bed and went downstairs, Kipper keeping pace beside her.

Fortuntely, he was not needed at work today. He idly began to scroll through the text messages he and Malyse had sent back and forth the previous day. Some of the harsh things he had said in their verbal fighting yesterday began to echo in his mind as he read their texts, and he winced. _Maker, I say that she is doing a terrible job at being a parent, but at the end of the day I’m not really much better. We both end up getting too worked up when we fight, and since we both know where the other is vulnerable we go right for the sore spots and it makes it even worse. Even if we aren’t together in the end, and it’s starting to look like we won’t be married much longer, we really need to pull it together before we make this any worse for Paige. It’s our job to protect her, not to put her through this hell._

He sighed and switched to his chat history with Dorian from the night before, a small smile forming on his lips. At least he hadn’t said anything stupid or mean to him. In fact, even though he had originally texted the wrong person, Dorian had needed a friend and seemed fairly eager to continue speaking with him. Interesting.

With a stretch and a yawn Cullen rolled out of bed, throwing on a light sweater and slipping his feet into fluffy lion slippers before making his way downstairs. He found Paige sitting in front of the television watching a children’s cartoon about brightly coloured bears and using Kipper as a personal backrest. Kipper looked up as he entered the room, but seemed happy to stay where she was until Paige decided to get up.

“Paige, please don’t sit so close to the television. You’re going to end up blind one day. Also, what would you like for breakfast? Hashbrowns and eggs?”

“Yes! And sausages,” Paige replied with a grin. “Pretty please!”

Cullen smiled. “Alright, the whole works, coming up.”

He busied himself preparing breakfast while he thought about what they could do for the day. It was a bit chilly, but otherwise nice weather so maybe they could go for a walk or even a small hike with Kipper. His thoughts began to wander to potential activities they could do with Dorian and Sierra when they were able to meet up. _I wonder what they like to do. I suppose I should phone soon and find out so we can think of something we would all enjoy. Maybe we can even do something that includes our beastly dog. After breakfast it is._ He wasn’t sure why that thought suddenly made him a bit nervous. Interesting.

\---

“Kaffas.” Dorian pressed his palms against his eyelids and groaned as a ray of light snuck past the curtains and poured into his eyes. Rolling over to the other side of the bed only served to make the sharp pounding in his head worsen. _That is probably one of the worst ideas I’ve ever had_. He glanced over at the clock. _Almost time to get up. Damn, I still have to get Sierra ready and take her to school before I go to work_. He grabbed at his phone to turn off the alarm before it could go off and checked his messages.

[6:54am] {Sera}: ay, since u still look pretty dead to the world and in no shape to get up just yet imma take the little missy to school. also let the fuzz mutt out cuz she was buggin me. and before u say anythin it’s not a bother or nothin, know that, ya?

[6:59am] {Dorian}: That is wonderful, actually. Thank you. I owe you big time.

[7:00am] {Dorian}: I got a bit carried away last night… going to be a long day.

[7:03am] {Sera}: LOL! thatta boy! gotta unwind once in a while, ya?

[7:04am] {Sera}: little missy was already up so helped her get ready. was gonna take her for a bit of a treat anyway

[7:04am] {Sera}: sleep a bit more so the boss doesnt eat ya alive. rawr those redheads are fiestyyyy

 _Well, that worked out well at least_. He had almost forgotten he had called Sera to come over last night when he finished texting Cullen, after he had realized what an irresponsible idiot he was being for getting very drunk while at home alone with his daughter. He worried at his moustache as he internally fumed at himself. _I can’t believe I was stupid enough to do that. What was I thinking?! My emotions seriously clouded my better judgement... That can never happen again… Thank the Maker I had a small bit of sense left to call Sera, and that she was able to come over and help me out_. With a heavy sigh he reset his alarm and burrowed back under the covers.

Twenty minutes later Dorian forced himself out of bed and towards the master bathroom to take an aspirin and a long, hot shower. Both did wonders to improve his headache and his mood. He studied his reflection in the mirror with a critical eye, carefully sculpting his moustache until it curled just so. _It’s almost time to give it a trim before it starts to get out of control_. His hair was next, fussing with it and adding product to it until it fell just the right way over the shaved sides of his head. Finally satisfied, he wandered back to his bedroom to get dressed and pack up his briefcase.

As he made his way out to his car, he suddenly remembered that he had been texting Cullen in his drunken state the night before. _Kaffas, I probably sounded like such a pathetic idiot_. He threw his briefcase into the passenger seat and pulled out his phone to scroll through their conversation history. It wasn’t nearly as bad as he thought. He had given out a bit more personal information than he was comfortable divulging to someone he had just met, but at least he hadn’t gone and done something really dumb like invite him over. And it appeared that Cullen was also going through a rough patch in his life. They were kindred spirits, of a sort. _Still, I feel bad that I unloaded a bunch of my problems off on him when I barely even know the guy. I should probably apologize and hope he actually wants to talk to me ever again_.

After spending several minutes attempting to write a text message he finally gave up, hitting the call button instead.

\---

Cullen looked up from tying Paige’s shoes to see that Dorian was calling him. He quickly finished off the knot and reached for his phone. “Hold on a minute, Paige, I’m getting a call.”

“Is it mommy?”

“No not mommy, Sierra’s dad.”

Paige squealed happily. “Ask if they can come over!” she pleaded as she grabbed onto his belt.

“I’ll ask. Remember though, no promises that they are free.” Cullen brushed her curls off her forehead as he accepted the phone call. “Hello?”

“Hello, Cullen? It’s Dorian, from the park yesterday. I hope I’m not interrupting you at work or anything.”

“No you’re not interrupting anything urgent, I was just about to go out for a walk with Paige. How, uh, how are you feeling this morning?”

Dorian groaned slightly. “Definitely could be better. My head and stomach do not appreciate the amount of alcohol I consumed last night. Which actually brings me to the reason why I called in the first place. I wanted to apologize for the way I was behaving, but a text didn’t seem like a very fitting medium for which to do so.”

Cullen couldn’t help but smile a little. “There’s nothing to apologize for. I don’t mind being a sympathetic ear, which you seemed very much in need of. Apparently I needed one as well, so I should be thanking _you_ for listening to me.”

“Anytime.” Dorian sighed. “It’s going to be quite a long day for me, unfortunately. I suppose that’s my own fault though. That’s what I get for drinking myself stupid the night before I have to work.”

“I feel for you on that one. I must confess that my head isn’t faring much better. I tend to get headaches when I go overboard on the sweets, and I, uh, spent the night on the couch watching Netflix and pigging out.” He could hear Dorian trying to stifle a laugh and couldn’t help but think about how attractive the sound was.

“What a pair we are, each spending the night at home alone indulging in terrible habits. Maybe next time we should at least keep each other company and share these indulgences so we don’t feel quite so bad about them, hmm?”

Cullen could feel himself blushing a little, although he wasn’t quite sure why. “Perhaps we could,” he agreed. “Speaking of meeting up, I was actually going to text you about that today. Paige has been hounding me to set up a play date with Sierra.”

“Sierra has been asking me the same thing.”

“I told her it’s probably not enough notice, but she was asking if you are free today, actually.”

“I’m sad to disappoint the poor dear, but I’m afraid that today does not work for us. Sierra is off at school right now and I was just about to leave for work. I was thinking maybe this weekend, though, if you are free? Or maybe sometime next week if you are busy on the weekends?”

“Could you hang on a second?” Cullen held his phone against his chest as he looked down at Paige. “They are busy today, Paige. We might be able to see them on the weekend though if mommy has nothing planned for you, alright?”

Paige pouted for a moment but finally nodded. “Are we still going to go for a walk?”

“Yes we will, just let me finish talking to Dorian and then we’ll go. Why don’t you go put a cartoon on for a few minutes?” He watched her disappear into the living room with Kipper before putting the phone back to his ear. “Hey, sorry about that. The weekend should be fine. Saturday most likely would be the best. I’m usually off weekends and I don’t have anything planned yet, although I’ll have to ask her mother just to make sure.”

“That sounds good then. Text me later when you talk to her mother then, yes?”

“Sounds like a plan. Have a, uh, good day at work.”

There was a slight pause on the other end of the phone. Cullen began to worry that he had said something wrong. “Dorian?”

“Thank you, Cullen. Sorry, it’s just been a long time since someone has said that to me.”

“Huh. Same here, come to think of it. It’s a shame.”

“It really is. Alright, well, I’ll be waiting for your text later. Bye for now, Cullen.”

“Bye, Dorian.”

\---

“Morning!” Dorian gave Varric a quick wave, hoping he would take the hint and give him a few minutes to settle into his office before he began with his terrible nicknames. “That’s all I get, a teensy little wave, Sparkler?” No such luck.

Dorian bit the inside of his cheek to stifle a sigh. “How can I be of assistance this morning, Varric?”

“Someone is in a real peachy mood this morning. Have a late evening with far too much booze? Make an exciting new friend?”

Dorian groaned slightly as he dropped his briefcase onto the spare chair in the corner. It was really going to be one of those days. “For your information I did have a late night and I did drink myself stupid, but I spent the evening by myself.”

Varric whistled. “That’s such a sad thing to hear.”

Dorian rolled his eyes. “I’m a parent, I don’t go out to get drunk and bring handsome young men home. You know that.”

“Well, once in a while it wouldn’t hurt. Speaking of which, you need to get a babysitter for this weekend. We are going to have a boy’s night on the town.”

“I already have plans on Saturday.”

“Sparkler!”

“What? I promised Sierra that she could have a play date with her new friend. Her dad and I already agreed that Saturday works best for both of us.”

“Is her dad attractive at least?”

“Well, yes, but--”

“Do I sense some ulterior motives behind this play date?”

Dorian sighed and sat back in his chair. “It’s not like that, even though he is gorgeous and seems like a sweet guy. I’m not even sure if he is at all interested in men. His life is very complicated right now. He’s about to go through what is probably going to be a very nasty divorce with his wife.”

“You know all of that about him already? Has he hired you to be his lawyer or something?”

“No, he doesn’t know what I do yet. I, uh, may have been drunk texting him last night…”

Varric laughed until tears started to roll down his cheeks. “Only you,” he choked out as he struggled to breathe.

With a scowl Dorian flicked his computer on and began organizing his desk. “Don’t you have work to do? Cases to lose?”

“Oh ho, hit a nerve, did I?”

“What’s so funny over here?” Dorian hid his face in his hands as Bull, one of the firm’s partners, poked his head into Dorian’s office.

“My entire existence, apparently,” he grumbled.

“Aww, it’s not that bad. Dorian here was just telling me how he has the hots for one of the hot soon-to-be-single dads he knows.”

“Varric! I said no such thing!”

“Just reading between the lines.”

Bull cleared his throat to stop their bickering. “Listen, the boss lady is coming into the office in a bit, so I’d suggest you guys at least look like you are busy.”

Varric whistled. “Checking up on us, is she?”

“Something like that. If she thinks you guys don’t have enough work to do I’m sure she will be more than happy to find you some more. Or give you that look, you know the one I mean. That look would give the mightiest of men nightmares for an entire week.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m going. I actually have a client due here any minute anyway.” With a final wink Varric wandered over to his own office.

“You alright there, Dorian?” Bull leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over his massive chest. He looked more like a professional wrestler shoved into a suit than a successful lawyer.

“Fine, fine. Just have a bit of a headache this morning.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

 _How does he always know when something’s wrong?_ “Why is everyone suddenly so interested in my personal affairs? The only interesting thing happening is that my daughter finally has a play date this weekend.”

“And what about the drinking?”

“Of course you heard that part. I’m fine, really. Just had too much to drink last night, nothing more.”

“You’re sure it had nothing to do with Aiden?”

The reply Dorian had prepared died on his tongue. He swallowed hard, searching for any answer that wasn’t the whole truth that would satisfy Bull. Unfortunately, he couldn’t find one. “He… He cancelled on Sierra. Again. He said he had some important things to do, but I just don’t believe him. My daughter has been through this so many times that she thinks he hates her.”

“Shit. That’s rough. You feel like that is your fault, don’t you? It isn’t, Dorian. You’ve done a good job of raising her.”

“I’ve done such a good job that I decided to adopt her with a man who one day decided she wasn’t worth the effort, that I wasn’t worth the effort?” Dorian’s jaw ached with the effort of keeping his temper under control.

“Hey, you listen here now. When the two of you decided to adopt Sierra, there is no way you could have known this would happen. I spoke up on your behalf because I had faith in your abilities as fathers. You were happy together, madly in love, and everything was going really well career-wise. He is the shitty father, not you. You’re the one that has stuck by her through all of this while he ran away with his tail tucked between his legs. You need to stop beating yourself up over this.”

Dorian couldn’t help the sudden smile that crept onto his face. “I never thought you of all people would be the one to make me feel better, Bull.”

Bull shrugged. “Just saying what needs to be said. I better go get something done now, though. I wasn’t kidding when I said that Leliana is coming in soon. Or that she will put people to work if need be.”

“Can’t you just sweet talk your way out of it?”

“She’s much too clever for that. Sees right through me every single time. She has the unfair advantage of having an extra eye, but hey, that’s how it goes. Oh, before I go, one more thought. If this dad is cute and seems nice, it probably wouldn’t hurt to at least find out if there is any chance of him returning the interest. You deserve to be happy, Dorian.”

“Thank you, Bull. Now go, before she comes in and skins both of us alive.” As he grabbed his briefcase and pulled some out some files he would need for the day, he couldn’t help but think about what Bull had said. _I suppose it couldn’t hurt to find out if he likes men as well as women. He hasn’t seemed opposed to the flirting I have directed his way so far. At the very least I can get to know him a little better while we have this play date. Something may come of it, who knows? Stranger things have happened._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Kipper was actually my first dog, a german shepherd puppy I got for my first birthday :)
> 
> As always, thank you so much to those that have been reading this fic <3\. Your support means a lot.


	4. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Dorian confirm the play date. Things between Cullen and Malyse get awkward. Cullen has a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regarding Cullen's nightmare... all I have to say is I'm that I'm sorry and it hurt to write it.  
> There's also references to car accidents in this chapter, if anyone is sensitive about them please be aware.

After the phone call from Dorian, Cullen and Paige resumed their outdoor plans, and it proved to be a very enjoyable day for both of them. They took Kipper on a long walk through the walking trails near their house, the slightly cool air refreshing as they explored. When the trails led them near the little cluster of shops on the outskirts of the city they paused at a small café for some quick sandwiches before deciding to continue on to the park.

Before they finally decided to return home they stopped at one of the outdoor markets and picked up some ingredients for dinner. Paige was adamant that they make homemade shepherd’s pie. Since it was a favourite of Cullen’s he had no objections, and he eagerly bought the few items they didn’t already have in the fridge.

Paige adored being in the kitchen, and she was actually a very good helper. In no time at all they had put the shepherd’s pie in the oven, busying themselves with washing the dishes while they waited for it to cook. After they had eaten and watched some cartoons to allow their stomachs some time to digest, it was nearing Paige’s bed time.

“Is mommy coming home soon, daddy?” Paige asked, clean and slightly pink from her bath, as Cullen tucked her into bed.

“I’m not sure, sweetheart. I haven’t heard from her today yet. I’m guessing that you’ll probably be asleep before she gets home. You get to spend the day with her tomorrow, though, because I’ll be at work.”

“Are you taking Kipper with you?”

“I’m afraid so. It’s easier for mommy that way.”

Paige huffed a disappointed sigh. “I wish she could stay with me and mommy. Why doesn’t mommy like Kipper very much?”

Cullen smiled a little, stroking a few stray curls out of Paige’s face. “She does like her, Paige, but she’s just not very good with dogs.”

“We should teach her to be good with dogs.”

Cullen’s smile widened. “Maybe you should work on that with her one of these days. I bet she would learn better from you, goldilocks.”

Paige was silent for a moment as she thought about it. “Okay,” she agreed finally as she squirmed around to find a comfortable position. “I am pretty good with animals, after all.”

\---

Cullen heard a car in the driveway several hours later. He felt a flutter of nervousness in the pit of his stomach. There was no one to put on a show for this time, no one they had to pretend to be a normal couple around. It was going to be just the two of them, with all the unresolved issues they’d left hanging like a dark cloud between them. He didn’t know how to do this. He wasn’t sure if he _could_ do this.

He forced himself to put a small smile on his face and give a little wave as Malyse came into the living room. “Hey, Malyse.”

“Hello, Cullen. Is Paige asleep?”

“Yes she is.”

“Did she give you any trouble?”

“None whatsoever.”

“Good.” She sat hesitantly on the edge of the couch, her hands fidgeting in her lap, as far away from Cullen as she could get. She seemed uncharacteristically nervous in his presence. It was so strange to see her like this now. She had always been the strong, confident one, completely sure of herself and her actions from the day they had first met. He couldn’t help the twinge of hurt he felt at the observation. How badly things had fallen apart in just a few days.

Cullen cleared his throat slightly and forced himself to ignore the feelings stirring within his chest. “Hey, did you have any plans for Paige this weekend? She wants to have a play date with a new friend, but I wasn’t sure if you had made any other plans for her.”

Malyse tilted her head slightly, showing the first genuine spark of interest he had seen in days. “No, I don’t have anything planned. What new friend?”

“Ah, you know the one that she hit at the park? Well, they made up and want to become friends now. Paige even gave her that beloved stuffed nug as a sort of peace offering.”

“Oh, I’d wondered where that thing went. She never complained it was missing so I just assumed she lost interest in it or put it away somewhere. Are you sure the other girl’s parents are alright with them playing together after what happened?”

“Yes, her father is okay with it. I think he’s happy for his daughter to make a new friend, actually. She seems like a very shy child, although very bright and sweet.”

“What about her mother?”

“He’s a single dad,” Cullen hedged. He wasn’t comfortable sharing the small bits of information he had learned about Dorian, especially not with Malyse. It almost felt like a betrayal of Dorian’s trust. _Who he chooses to spend his time with is not relevant to this conversation anyway, and none of her business_.

“I see. I’m alright with it, then. Just make sure they play nicer this time.” Malyse stood up and stretched with a tired groan. “I’m going to have a quick shower and then maybe go to bed.”

“If you’re hungry, Paige and I made shepherd’s pie tonight. She made sure to set aside a big piece for you.”

Malyse shook her head. “I’ve been snacking at work all day, so I’m not all that hungry. I’ll eat the pie tomorrow though. Are you staying up for a while?”

“Alright. I’ll probably go to bed soon as well. I just have to message the girl’s dad and confirm the playdate with him first.”

“Alright. Be sure to turn off the lights when you come up, please.”

“Of course.” As Malyse left the room Cullen pulled out his phone to update Dorian.

[10:08pm] {Cullen}: Hey, Dorian. We have no prior plans for Saturday, so we’d be more than happy to meet you somewhere.

[10:15pm] {Dorian}: Excellent! Sierra will be so happy. What would you like to do?

[10:16pm] {Dorian}: The weather is supposed to be really nice so I suppose we could go to the park and go for ice cream later.

[10:18pm] {Cullen}: I like that idea. I don’t know about Sierra, but Paige loves the park. And like her dad, she also has quite the sweet tooth.

[10:20pm] {Dorian}: Smart girl then, just like her dad.

[10:21pm] {Dorian}: There’s a lovely little park with a pond not too far from my place. I could give you the address if that works?

[10:22pm] {Cullen}: That sounds great! How early do you want to meet up?

[10:23pm] {Cullen}: I usually get up fairly early, if that’s a concern.

[10:26pm] {Dorian}: Please tell me you’re not one of those people that rises with the sun?

[10:27pm] {Cullen}: Haha, not that early. What about 8? Or pick whatever time works for you.

[10:26pm] {Dorian}: Make it 9 and you have a deal. I will even throw in a Starbucks coffee for the trouble.

[10:28pm] {Cullen}: Oh, throwing in extra incentives, hmm? How could I possibly say no to that? 9 it is.

[10:28pm] {Cullen}: How was your day, by the way? Hopefully your hangover wasn’t too terrible.

[10:32pm] {Dorian}: Sounds good!

[10:33pm] {Dorian}: Oh, it was bearable enough. I didn’t have much to do today, or it would have been much worse. And my boss didn’t bother me today for once.

[10:34pm] {Cullen}: That’s good then. I love those days when you can relax at work just a little.

[10:35pm] {Dorian}: How was your day with Paige?

[10:37pm] {Cullen}: It was really good. Took the dog out with us and spent the day walking and playing at the park, then made some dinner together. It turned out really well.  

[10:38pm] {Dorian}: That sounds like a day well spent.

[10:40pm] {Cullen}: It really was. My favourite days are those I get to spend with her.

[10:40pm] {Cullen}: Well, as much as I don’t want to, I’m afraid I must go to bed now. I have to work in the morning.

[10:42pm] {Dorian}: I feel you on that one. I suppose I should as well.

[10:42pm] {Dorian}: Get some rest and I will see you soon, or perhaps talk to you sooner!

[10:43pm] {Dorian}: Have a good night!

[10:43pm] {Cullen}: You too! Goodnight!

\---

When Cullen finally got up to the bedroom he found Malyse was just settling underneath the covers. “That’s quite a long time to confirm a play date,” she noted as she fluffed her pillows.

“I chatted with the dad for a bit as well. He seems like a nice guy and I didn’t want to be rude.” Cullen rummaged through his drawers for a clean pair of pajama pants and a loose shirt. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, he turned away from Malyse as he changed his clothing. She didn’t seem to notice, her attention focused on Kipper, who had snuck into the bedroom behind Cullen and made herself comfortable on the floor next to Cullen’s side of the bed.

Malyse’s lips pursed. “Do we have to have her in here while we sleep?” she complained. That, at least, was something he understood, something that was familiar territory. This frequent argument was a bit of normalcy amidst the chaos of everything else that was going on in their lives.

“She’s not even near you. You know she likes to sleep beside me, as she has done since she was a puppy. Old habits die hard, especially in animals.” Cullen knelt down beside Kipper and gave her a kiss on the nose. “That’s my good girl,” he crooned. Kipper licked at his face as Cullen put an arm around her and leaned his cheek against the golden fur of her shoulder.

Malyse sighed and rolled onto her side. “Just make sure she stays over there. I don’t want fur up my nose while I’m sleeping.”

Cullen rolled his eyes. “She hardly even sheds. Don’t worry, she’ll stay over here.” He went to turn off the lights before crawling into bed beside Malyse. “Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Cullen laid on his back and listened to the soft sounds of Malyse’s breathing. She had always been able to fall asleep very quickly, and soon enough he heard her breathing slow as she slipped into unconsciousness. He carefully rolled onto his side with a soft sigh, reaching down to scratch Kipper’s ears, hoping her calming presence would lull him into slumber. Unfortunately, sleep continued to evade him. After everything that had happened between them the past several days, it felt strange, unnerving, almost _wrong_ , to be sleeping in the same bed.

Finally, he sat up, running a hand through his hair in frustration. _I’m not going to get any sleep at all if I stay up here_. After ensuring that Malyse was deeply asleep, he slipped out of bed and quietly padded down to the living room, Kipper following closely at his heels. He pulled a comforter out of the hall closet and curled up on the couch with it. Kipper resumed her place beside him on the floor, groaning as she stretched out on the carpet. _Much better_ , he thought as he felt himself immediately beginning to calm down and slowly drift off. _I suppose this will be my new bed, at least for the time being. Good thing we got these couches, even though Malyse was bitter for months over it. Bloody expensive… but so worth it…_

\---

_He sat in the back of his father’s old blue Corolla behind the driver’s seat. His parents were chatting idly in the front, holding hands over the center console as they always did. The quiet melody of an old country song he couldn’t quite remember the name of drifted to him from one of the stations on the car radio. It was calming, familiar. They were on their way to visit Cullen’s grandmother in the city. His sisters had gone shopping together earlier that morning and were going to meet them there in a few hours. His brother Bran, was sitting beside him, his gaze focused downward as he clicked away at the keys of his phone, most likely texting his new girlfriend._

_As Cullen looked out the window, he couldn’t help but feel something was too familiar about this situation, sudden déjà vu hitting him hard. It felt like he had lived this moment before, seen it all before. A feeling of dread began to form in the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was about to go horribly_ wrong _._

_As the traffic lights changed and his dad began a right turn, something in the corner of his eye suddenly caught Cullen’s attention. A white sports car was speeding towards them, ignoring the red lights that it had just run through and the honks of the other drivers around it._

_“Dad, watch out!” he cried out as the other car tried and failed to swerve and avoid them. There was a sickening screech of metal and shattering of glass as the sports car slammed into the driver’s side. Cullen’s father lost control of the steering wheel, knocked unconscious, his foot crushed against the gas pedal as the car sped towards the wall of a large building._

_Cullen’s mother tried to lean over and grip the steering wheel and force them away from the building, but couldn’t react quickly enough. The car crashed head on into the concrete building. The impact knocked Cullen against the back of the driver’s seat. He felt a searing pain across his face for a brief moment before blacking out._

_When he awoke, the air was filled with the sounds of blaring horns and screaming sirens. He lifted a hand to rub at his face, hissing in pain as he brushed a cut. He hand came away covered in blood. Now that he was conscious he could feel the blood dribbling down his chin from a deep cut that had split one side of his lip and part of his cheek._ Shit _. He tried to take a deep breath, but it caught in his throat as pain seared through his torso. He looked down to see that there were shards of metal poking out of his chest. He left them alone for the time being, unsure how deep they had penetrated his body. He felt panic starting to set in as he looked over at his brother._

_Bran. He was slouched against the car door, his face bloodied by a gash on his forehead. He reached over to nudge Bran awake. He groaned as he slowly regained consciousness. “Cullen? W-what happened?”_

_“We were in an accident, Bran. Stay with me. How badly are you hurt?”_

_“I… I think just hit my head… Everything else seems to be okay.” His eyes widened in shock as he looked over at his brother. “Maker, Cullen, your face!”_

_It’s pretty bad then… “I’ll be alright, don’t worry about me right now. Mom? Dad? Are you two alright--“_

_A worried cry bubbled up in his throat as he realized that both of his parents were unconscious and quite obviously hurt, but he clacked his teeth together and held it in. Terrifying Bran right now would only make things that much worse. He needed to stay calm until help arrived._

_“Bran. Bran, look at me!” He barked, demanding his full attention. “I need you to do something for me. I need you to sit back and close your eyes.”_

_“C-Cullen, what--“_

_“Just listen to me and close your eyes. Please just trust me and do what I say. Please.”_

_“Okay. Cullen… I’m scared.”_

_Cullen squeezed Bran’s shoulder. “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to get out of here, alright?”_

_He waited for Bran to nod before turning his attention to his seat belt. His trembling fingers had trouble getting the buckle open, and for a moment he feared he was trapped in place before he finally heard the tell-tale_ click _and felt the pieces separating._

_Careful of the pieces of metal still embedded in his chest, Cullen inched his way forward in the seat. He craned his head to look at his father first. He had to bite his knuckles to keep from screaming as his eyes filled with tears. His father was definitely gone, a large chunk of concrete embedded in his skull. He turned to look at his mother, and a few tears slipped down his cheeks when he saw that she hadn’t fared much better. There were no obvious signs of trauma from this angle, but he felt nothing when he checked her neck for a pulse._

_He scooted backwards and turned to Bran, happy to see that his eyes were still closed. He willed his voice to be calm. “Bran, how are you doing?”_

_“Okay, I think.”_

_“Good. I’m going to try and get your seat belt off now, alright?” Bran nodded. Cullen reached down to press the button._ Shit _. Where Cullen had been able to get his off without much trouble, Bran did not have the same luck. Something had smashed against the buckle, disfiguring it enough that it would not release the belt._ I can’t get him out. I have to go for help. I can’t let him see the front seat though _…_

_Looking around the back seat for a moment, he grabbed a rag that seemed relatively clean. “In a moment I’m going to put a piece of cloth over your eyes, alright? You need to keep trusting me. Are you okay with that?”_

_“Y-yes.” A tear made its way down Bran’s cheek as he bit the inside of his cheek. Cullen patted his shoulder soothingly before tying the cloth around his eyes._

_“I need you to do one last thing, Bran. I need you to stay calm, alright? The buckle is jammed and I can’t get it off. I have to go outside the car and get the tools from the trunk. I need you to stay exactly where you are, and whatever you do, do not touch the blindfold.”_

_“Cullen, please, you can’t leave me here!” Bran begged, blindly groping for any part of Cullen he could reach._

_Cullen grabbed his flailing hand and squeezed it. “I have to find a way to get you out of there. Please, trust me. I won’t be gone long, alright?”_

_Bran whimpered, his lower lip trembling. “O-okay. But please come back quickly.”_

_“I will, I promise.” Cullen squeezed Bran’s shoulder again reassuringly before turning away to try the door. It squealed in protest, but opened enough that he could slip out._

_As Cullen stood beside the car for a moment, his chest ablaze with pain, the feeling of déjà vu faded away. Now everything just felt… out of place, different,_ wrong _. He looked around, trying to peer through the heavy fog that had suddenly appeared around them. There were no more horns, no more sirens, no sounds at all. The emptiness, the quiet, caused a shiver of unease to run down his spine. Where was everyone? It was the middle of the day…_

_He walked to the driver’s seat window, intending to grab the keys to open the trunk. Bile rose in his throat as he got another look at his father’s face. He wrenched his eyes away and hurried to the trunk, picking up a large piece of cement and smashing the trunk lock off instead. Rummaging around in the tool box his father kept in the car, he managed to find a pair of pliers. The feeling of wrongness was getting heavier and harder to ignore._

_Clutching his find in one hand, he went to pull open the car door next to Bran’s seat. A cold touch against his arm brought his startled gaze down. He wished he hadn’t looked. He cried out, the sound echoing back to him hollowly, as he saw a cold hand grasping his arm through the broken window. His mother’s head lolled out the window at him, mouth wide in a soundless scream. Her eyes, empty, glassy, lifeless, stared back at him, following him as he stumbled away…_

\---

Cullen sat up with a shuddering gasp as he was finally able to claw himself away from the nightmare, the partial memory from his past that he desperately wanted to forget. He realized the cold touch on his arm had been Kipper nosing at him as she tried to wake him. She shoved her head against his stomach as he struggled to catch his breath. He leaned over and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her warm neck. She always knew, right from the time she was a puppy, when he was having a nightmare and had instinctively tried to rouse him ever since.

 _Please, no more. I want to be free of this. It’s been so long, why do I still dream about it as if it happened yesterday? Please_ … He felt tears of frustration running down his cheeks and soaking into Kipper’s fur. He was weak, so weak, no wonder Malyse didn’t want him anymore…

Kipper let out a small, muffled bark, startling him out of the mire of self-pity he had begun wading into. He snorted slightly, shaking his head as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. _You’re right, Kipper_. _None of that. I’ve punished myself more than enough lately._

Calmer now, he finally let Kipper go and reached around for his phone to check the time. 5:46 am. _Shit_. _There’s no way I’m getting back to sleep now. I suppose I might as well do something productive with my time_. With a groan of displeasure he forced himself to get off the couch and make his way upstairs to shower and get dressed for the day ahead. 


	5. Catching Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen goes back to work. Dorian spends quality time with his favourite people. Sera does Dorian a favour.

By the time Malyse and Paige rolled out of bed, Cullen had already made breakfast for the three of them. Malyse looked at him closely as he brought two cups of coffee and a cup of orange juice to the table. “You didn’t sleep well, did you?” she asked quietly.

Cullen considered brushing off the true extent of his exhaustion, but finally shook his head as he sipped at the last of his coffee. “Not really, no, but I’ll manage.”

“Take it easy at work, alright?”

The corner of Cullen’s mouth lifted in a quick smile. _No matter what we’ve been through and what will happen next, it’s good to know she still cares at least a little._ “I’ll try my best. No promises, though.” He looked up at the kitchen clock. “I have to leave now. Goldilocks, come and give Kipper and I a hug goodbye.”

“I’ll try to teach mommy to be a better dog person when you get home, okay?” she whispered as she squeezed her arms around his neck.

Cullen couldn’t help but chuckle a little. “Whenever you think you are ready for it,” he agreed. “Be good for mommy today, alright?”

“I will. Take really good care of people’s pets today, okay daddy?”

“I will do my best, goldilocks. Cassandra wouldn’t be very happy if I didn’t, after all.”

“Because she loves the animals a lot and wants them to all get better. That’s why I want to grow up to be just like her! Can I visit your work again soon? I want to give Cassy and Josie the pictures I drew for them.”

“Of course you can. Maybe next week you can come with me and spend part of the day. You might even be able to help me with a couple things. How does that sound?”

“Yes, please!”

“Okay I have to actually leave now so I’m not late. I’ll see you tonight.” He gave Paige a final kiss on the nose before giving Malyse a wave goodbye and calling for Kipper to follow him out the door.

\---

Cullen parked in his usual place at the back of the building and got out of the truck, whistling for Kipper to follow him. She hopped down and sat beside him as she had been instructed, tail wagging excitedly as she recognized where they were. _She’s probably the only dog that’s actually excited to go the vet_ , Cullen thought fondly with a small smile and shake of his head. He stroked her ears for a moment before motioning for her to follow him into the clinic.

Josephine looked up from the computer screen as he entered the lobby. “Cullen! Kipper! Good morning!” she greeted with a big smile. Kipper went over for her mandatory morning scratches before snuggling into the large dog bed set up next to Josephine’s desk.

“Hey, Josie. Anything big for me today?”

“Nothing major so far, just a couple of check-ups.” She coughed politely into her hand and paused for a moment, visibly struggling for the right words. “Hey, uh, how are you holding up? Is everything alright?”

Cullen forced himself not to sigh. He had known his co-workers would be curious, but he still wasn’t quite sure what he should say. He hadn’t even come to terms with what was happening yet. “I’m, umm, I’m getting by, I suppose.” _How_ am _I holding up? I wish I knew; it’s been such a crazy couple of days that I haven’t had much time to reflect on it_. _That might actually be a good thing, come to think of it_. “It’s… ah, it’s been difficult, but I think I’ll manage somehow. It feels like she has had this on her mind for a while now, so I guess it shouldn’t be as surprising as it is.”

“I’m so sorry, Cullen. If there’s anything that Thom and I can do, please let us know, yes?”

Cullen smiled. “I will, thank you.” He cleared his throat and looked around. “Is Cass here yet?”

“Yes, she’s in the back. She only got here a few minutes ago, which is in itself a bit strange. Maybe someone kept her busy last night?” Josie’s smile was sly.

“Oh, really? I have to get to the bottom of this later.”

\---

“Cullen, you haven’t returned my text messages for days now! I was worried that something had happened to you!” Cullen jumped as Cassandra appeared next to him in the staff room with her arms crossed, a dark frown on her face. Cullen found himself taking a few steps back as the weight of her gaze settled onto him. Even though they were close friends, there were still moments when he found her incredibly intimidating.

“I’m sorry, Cass, I really am, I… it’s been a crazy couple of days.”

Cassandra’s face softened slightly. “Are you alright? What has happened?”

“I’ve been… coping, somehow. Actually having the papers looming over my head has made everything seem that much bleaker. You know that we’ve been having issues for a while, but now everything is just… very strange. We can hardly speak civilly to each other, or even stand to be in the same room together unless Paige is there with us. The other night Malyse went to stay at her mother’s because she didn’t think she could handle being in the same house together. I was almost ashamed to realize that I secretly agreed with her. And when she finally came home last night we went to bed and I couldn’t fall sleep because it felt almost _wrong_ to be lying next to her. Finally I gave up and went downstairs to sleep on the couch. It was a poor sleep too, at that.”

“Did you have a nightmare last night?” Cullen nodded. “I thought as much. You’re very pale this morning. Are you sure you feel alright to work? It might not hurt to take a couple of days off.”

“I think that would just make things worse, honestly. Being in that house, especially if she is there, seems to put me on edge lately. I make any excuse to be elsewhere if I can, and she seems to do the same. The only thing that can keep us there at the same time is Paige, and soon I don’t think that will be enough. Work will hopefully keep me distracted from everything for a time.”

“How is Paige handling all of this? Does she know about the divorce yet?”

“I think she is feeling some of the effects, even if she isn’t completely aware of them. We haven’t told her about the separation yet, and if I have it my way I don’t plan to tell her for a while. I think Malyse and I need to be more comfortable with this whole situation ourselves before we try and explain it to Paige. She’s still so young, and the last thing I want to do is confuse or upset her. She’s already been asking why we don’t spend as much time together as a family, and I don’t think we can get away with work excuses for much longer.”

“I’m sorry, Cullen. It must be hard for her, and for you.”

Cullen sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah. I think is going to be even harder than we originally thought. Even if she doesn’t know what’s going on, the whole situation at home has started taking its toll on her. I took her to the park on Tuesday to end an argument with Malyse and take a step back from the situation. When we were there Paige lost her temper while playing with another kid and hit her with a plastic bucket.”

Cassandra gasped. “Sweet maker! Was the other child alright?”

“Yes, she was fine. I think it startled her more than anything. Funny enough, the two of them have now been demanding a playdate ever since. We’re meeting up with the other girl and her father on Saturday morning.”

Cassandra shook her head. “I will never understand the minds of children, which is probably why I do not have any. At least she didn’t hurt the other child.”

“She even gave the other girl her favourite nug toy. Kid will be kids, I suppose.” Cullen shrugged. “Enough about me, though. A little bird told me that you got here not long before me. That’s not like you at all, Cass.”

To his surprise, Cassandra blushed and looked down at her hands. “I… I stayed up too late last night reading, that’s all.”

“Cass, you _never_ stay up too late and you _always_ come into work at least a half an hour early so that you can read one of your romance novels in peace and quiet. Spill it.”

Cassandra sighed. “Alright, alright! I may have met someone and went out for dinner with them last night.”

Cullen’s jaw dropped. “You went on a _date_? And you say I’m the one that’s not keeping in touch!”

“It’s nothing serious, it was just a date! A fairly long date, but still…”

“Wait, how long? And are you going out with him again?”

“We met up at around five and I didn’t home until fairly late. Yes, we plan to go out next week maybe--“

“Then that’s pretty serious! At least for you.” Cullen smiled and patted her shoulder. “I’m happy for you, my friend. One of us needs to find our happy ending.”

Cassandra reached up to squeeze his hand briefly. “We are both going to find our happy endings, just wait and see. Now, I suppose we are here to work, are we not?”

\---

“Actually leaving early, Sparkler? You never cease to amaze me.”

Dorian nodded as he closed his laptop and tucked it away in his bag. “I haven’t been spending enough time with Sierra lately. I’m going to go and pick her up from school.”

“Good for you. You should bring her in again sometime. Uncle Varric has some more gifts for her.”

Dorian raised an eyebrow. “Not more strange and disturbing toys I hope.”

Varric raised his hands over his heart. “You wound me, Dorian.”

“Oh you’ll live, I’m sure. I’ll see you tomorrow, Varric.” As Dorian got into the elevator he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Sera.

[3:02pm] {Dorian}: Have you left yet? I was going to pick Sierra up from school today.

[3:05pm] {Sera}: ya couldntve texted me sooner?? jk nah was already out and nearbye so i came to the school early

[3:07pm] {Dorian}: I’ll pick both of you up, then. I’m on my way now.

[3:08pm] {Sera}: aight meet u in the parking lot

Fifteen minutes later Dorian pulled up in front of the school. Sierra’s face lit up in a huge grin when she saw him, and Dorian vowed he would pick her up more often for the sheer amount of happiness it seemed to bring her. _I would do anything to keep that smile on her face_. He got out of the car to pull her into a big hug. He was nearly overwhelmed with the ferocity of the love that suddenly constricted his chest. “Hello, my love.”

Sierra pulled back a little to kiss her favourite part of his face, the small beauty mark next to his eye. “Don’t you have to be at work still, papa?”

He ruffled her hair and kissed her forehead. “I left early today because I was hoping we could spend some time together. Would you like that?”

Sierra eyes widened. “Yes I would love that! Can we order some food and watch movies?”

“That sounds like a great idea, Sierra.”

“And can Sera come too? Or did you just want it to be you and me?”

“Of course she is welcome to join us if she doesn’t have any other plans.” He turned to look at the blonde. “What do you say to that, Sera?”

“You really gotta ask? Can’t say no to the little missy, can I? Gives me those big brown puppy eyes and stuff. Plus, the better half ain’t home until later, so I’ve nothing to do right now.”

Dorian laughed. “Alright, let’s go home then.”

\---

Lady, their bi-blue Shetland sheepdog, ran excitedly back and forth between the three of them as they entered the door.

“Lady, stop that. You’re going to trip us!” Dorian muttered, gently pushing her back so that they could get their shoes off and put their coats away. “Sit, please! Good girl.”

“How come she don’t listen to me like that?” Sera rumbled as she glared at the dog. Lady tilted her head and looked at Sera. “Yeah, you.”

“You’re not assertive enough with her. She doesn’t take you seriously when you ask her to do things.” Dorian bent to scratch at Lady’s ear. She closed her eyes and wagged her tail happily, tongue lolling out of her mouth.

“She sure listens when she wants a _treat_ , though.” Lady’s mouth closed and her ears perked up as she turned to regard Sera with large and hopeful eyes. “Of course you know that word, little piggy dog.”

“While you are giving her t-r-e-a-t-s, just practice the commands I showed you. She will listen better if you keep at it.” He left Sera with some dog cookies to give to Lady while he went to order them some dinner.

A short time later he heard the clicking of Lady’s nails on the floor as she ran off to eat her last cookie. He shook his head as Sera appeared next to him. “You’re not being patient enough with her. That’s exactly why she doesn’t listen to you very well.”

Sera shrugged and threw herself down next to him on the couch. “Eh. Another time.” She turned and put her legs across Dorian’s lap. “Hey, so you never told me what happened the other night before you called me to come over. I couldn’t understand a word you were saying, by the way, but you sounded right awful.”

Wincing, Dorian tugged at his moustache. “I almost texted _him_ the other night. Sierra doesn’t think that he loves her and she blames herself for his absence.”

Sera smacked his arm. “Why didn’t ya call me sooner, you brat! Why would she think that, though? She’s the sweetest freaking child that has never done wrong to anyone.”

“Because _he_ keeps cancelling his plans to see her without any good explanation. It hurts to see her so disappointed and upset over and over again. He doesn’t listen to a word that I say about it and I feel powerless to help. That’s why I was so out of sorts, and why I was trying to send the text message in the first place. I could hardly even write a coherent text, my fingers were shaking that badly. Fortunately for me, I ended up sending it to the wrong person. But unfortunately for me, I sent it to someone who doesn’t know a thing about my personal issues and they were quite confused about the whole thing.”

Sera threw her head back and laughed. “Would do that, wouldn’tcha? Who did ya send the text to? Not to Varric I hope, or you’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Not to Varric, thank goodness. That is not something I want to divulge to him. No, I accidentally sent the text to a new acquaintance of mine. The dad of that girl I told you Sierra had an incident with. The conversation actually didn’t go as badly as I thought. I think he felt a little bad for me and did a good job of keeping me company for a while. Thanks to him I completely forgot about _him_. And as I continued to put myself into a nearly comatose state I finally realized what an irresponsible idiot I was being and thought to phone you. Good thing you’re on my speed dial or I don’t think I would have been able to manage even that much.”

“You need to remove his number from your phone, yeah? Not like he’s being a good...” she paused as she looked around for Sierra. She was playing in her bedroom with Lady and safely out of earshot, but Sera lowered her voice and leaned in closer. “I mean, he’s not doing what he’s supposed to be doing and it doesn’t seem like he wants to be involved in your lives. So you don’t really need to keep his number in there, yeah? Less likely to make stupid decisions when ya can’t see the number. Trust me, I know all about stupid drunken decisions.”

Dorian sighed. “You’re probably right. It’s just... It’s such a hard thing to do. It’s one thing to say that I need to and to feel that I want to, but it’s quite another to actually click that button. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat with his contact screen open while my finger hovered over the delete button. I’ve tried, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m too conflicted, and the hurts are still too fresh and raw even after all this time.”

Sera plucked Dorian’s phone off the table and typed in the password. “Before you ask, you’re right awful at hiding it when you unlock it,” she said as Dorian raised his eyebrows. She tapped the screen a few times and took a few moments scrolling through something Dorian couldn’t make out from his angle. Then with a triumphant sound, she aggressively tapped the screen. “There, problem solved.”

Dorian took his phone back and opened his contacts. Aiden’s information was indeed missing. “You actually deleted it?” he asked incredulously. He continued to scroll through his contacts, as if it would suddenly show up somewhere else.

“It’s gone, innit? I did you a huge favour, you brat. Remember his number?”

“Not really, no. I can hardly remember my own number, let alone anyone else’s.”

“Good! You’re welcome, by the way.”

Dorian wasn’t sure if he felt upset or relieved that he no longer had Aiden’s number in his phone. It had been a warped sense of comfort to have it there, as if it was just sitting idle until Aiden came back into their lives so it could be more frequently used. As if one day Aiden would realize what a fool he had been to leave everything they had worked so hard to build and come crawling back to beg for another chance to be with his family… _No. That will never happen, Dorian. You know this will never happen, so why do you keep trying to convince yourself otherwise? Why do you continue to torment yourself with thoughts of him? Because you’re weak, that’s why. Why do you still hold him close to your heart? He broke your heart and left you depressed and alone. His memory is a crutch, a hindrance that will only slow you down. He is not worth this..._

He was shaken out of his sudden melancholy thoughts by a knock on the door. Lady barked sharply once as she trotted over to investigate. Sierra hurried out of her bedroom and went to get plates and cutlery as Dorian got up to pay the delivery person. He brought the bags over to the living room table and set the containers out so that they could share the dishes.

“So, my favourite ladies, what should we watch while we eat?” Dorian asked as he made up a plate for Sierra.

Sierra scrunched up her face and thought for a moment. “Can we watch Lady and the Tramp, papa? Pretty please?”

“Sure, that sounds good to me. What do you think, Sera?”

Sera cackled. “You say that cuz you haven’t already seen it ten times this month..” She reached over to lightly pinch Sierra’s cheek fondly. “Don’t worry though, fuzzy and I enjoy it. Next time, though, we’re watching The Lion King. Deal?”

Sierra grinned. “Deal!”

Sera nodded. “Alright, doggies eating spaghetti it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone who is still following along with this fic. Your support is appreciated so much! I hope you continue to enjoy reading it as much I enjoy writing it <3\. If you wish, come and say hi to me on tumblr! same name ;)


	6. Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen reflects and seriously doubts himself. Dorian is glad for the weekend but is missing someone. Cullen gets flustered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update! Sorry it took so long. Some things happened, but I have kept my head up and continued on with this. 
> 
> Also, the long awaited play date is happening in the next chapter so stay tuned 8D

Cullen hadn’t expected to feel anxiety start to creep up on him when he was driving home after work. It started out as a small nagging sensation in the back of his mind that he was mostly able to ignore. But as he turned his truck into their driveway, he found himself trying hard to suppress a shudder and a deep sigh while his heart began to pound in his chest. He turned off the engine and leaned his forehead between his clenched hands on the steering wheel, forcing himself to take slow, deep breaths. Kipper whined and butted at his shoulder with her nose before slipping underneath his arm to lick at his face. Cullen couldn’t help but smile at her antics. He threw an arm around her neck and pulled her close. “My beautiful beast.” He kissed her gently on the nose. “At least I have you to keep me company tonight once Paige goes to bed.”

He finally forced himself to leave his truck and step inside the house. After a cursory hello to Malyse, who was in the kitchen making dinner, he went upstairs with Kipper to play with Paige until the food was ready.

The time they spent together during the meal was even more awkward than Cullen had originally pictured. If Paige was not including both of them in her conversation they hardly said a word to each other. As the tension lingered between them, Cullen quickly lost what little appetite he had, absently pushing his food around the plate with his fork as he waited for Paige to finish eating.

Later on Cullen offered to put Paige to bed while Malyse started on the dishes; anything to put some distance between them for even a few minutes. He needed to calm his nerves and settle his mind before he completely unravelled. Malyse nodded in silent agreement before turning away and starting to stack their plates and utensils.

Despite the awkwardness and tension between them earlier, once Paige was asleep Cullen somehow found himself back in the kitchen with Malyse. Even though they weren’t at all on good terms, they found themselves doing the dishes together, Cullen washing and Malyse drying, as they had done since they first started living together. Old habits were apparently hard to break, and the familiar ritual was suddenly almost too painful for Cullen to bear. And yet, he endured it. He had taken little moments like these for granted before they started having marital issues, and now that they were hardly on speaking terms he found that he missed them, craving that tiny spot of normalcy that he had never truly appreciated.

While the two of them had cleaned up together in the past they had also made it a sort of catching up time, telling each other about their day, funny stories they had heard or that had happened to them, or passing on any relevant information the other needed to know. It had always been something Cullen looked forward to after a long day at work. Now, there was only silence as they worked. It only served as a jarring reminder of how much their lives had changed in such a short period of time.

Eventually, after a long period of nearly unbearable silence, Malyse cleared her throat to get his attention. “I... I think it would be best if I stayed with my mother this weekend. She doesn’t mind helping out. It’s also fairly close to my work, so it won’t be a hassle or anything. It might be good to start getting used to living apart and beginning our transition into separation, you know. Plus, you are going to be off all this weekend, maybe even home for most of it, and it will probably just make both of us miserable to spend long periods of time together, especially right now.”

_You made it this way_. Cullen clenched his jaw and swallowed a sudden bitter retort. _Don’t do it, Cullen. That’s not going to help the situation. Maybe being apart for a longer period of time will help you come to terms with this whole situation and give you time to work through some of these emotions that are threatening to drown you_. “If that’s what you think is best,” he replied simply, his gaze focused on the remaining dishes in the sink.

Apparently it was the wrong thing to say. Malyse pursed her lips and frowned as her body went completely still, the plate between her hands forgotten. “That’s all you have to say about it?”

_What? Why is she looking for a fight right now? Was she expecting some other reaction from me? Did she expect me to beg her to stay here this weekend or something?_ Cullen bit his lip almost hard enough to bleed, struggling to control his temper. _No_. _I’m not going to give her the reaction she wants. I’m not going to play her game_. Finally he lifted his head to meet her eyes. “I’m not sure what else you want me to say about it, Malyse. It seems like a sensible idea from where I stand.”

“I agree that it is sensible, but I thought that this would affect you more. You don’t appear to be concerned at all.”

Counting to ten once in his head, and then a second time, Cullen fought the urge to simply walk out the door and sleep in his truck for the night. “I am actually deeply concerned about this whole situation. I have just come to realize I don’t have much control over anything that happens at this point in time, so I don’t bother wasting my energy fighting. And you are so contradictory sometimes that I’m not even sure what you want from me. You insist on getting a divorce and living separately as soon as possible to make things easier on the both of us, and yet you seem upset that I’m not begging you to stop this or for you to stay. You have to understand that this whole situation is incredibly stressful and painful for me. I’m trying to get through this the best that I can, and I’m struggling to find a way to be strong for Paige and do what’s best for her at the same time.”

“But you’re not even angry about any of this—“

“Of course I’m angry!” Cullen snapped suddenly as he loudly dropped the utensils he had been holding into the sink, startling Malyse and spraying water and soap bubbles all over the counter. “Why do you think I’m not angry, because I haven’t yelled at you or become aggressive and punched something? Let me be the first to tell you that, yes, I am pretty fucking angry about a lot of things that have happened lately. The difference is that I know that yelling and getting violent will get me absolutely nowhere and will do nothing to improve this situation. I don’t want to continue fighting with you, Malyse. It’s not doing either one of us any good, and it’s certainly not helping us handle Paige.”

Malyse threw up her hands, the dish towel dropping to the floor at her feet. “You are impossible to deal with, Cullen!” she fumed. “I need to go and sit down for a while. If you don’t want to finish the dishes I will do them later, but I cannot do this right now.”

“I’ll finish them. I need something to keep my hands busy with anyway.” Cullen began fishing around for the remaining utensils in the soapy water as Malyse left the room. He was suddenly very tired. As he continued washing Kipper came into the kitchen to lay nearby, resting her chin on her crossed paws as she gazed up at him. Her familiar presence helped calm his nerves a little and allowed him to finish the dishes without mishap.

Once he was finished he thought about having a shower, but decided against it when he realized he would have to go into their bedroom to get clean clothes. His emotional state was still a little shaky and he didn’t want to test it, so he sat down on the couch and flicked on the television to watch a veterinary documentary instead.

The documentary helped him to relax further, allowing him to keep his mind busy as he followed the familiar procedures, but he still waited until he heard Malyse go into the master bathroom and turn on the shower before going into the bedroom to grab his pyjamas and work clothes for the morning. He already had his other necessities in the downstairs bathroom. His face burned with shame as he quietly grabbed the items and slipped out of the bedroom. He felt foolish, like a coward, for resorting to sneaking around in his own home like a skittish animal. _Just look at me. I’m pathetic._ _No wonder she doesn’t want this life anymore. No wonder she doesn’t want me anymore_...

After a while Malyse, showered and ready for bed, came down to the living room. Apparently the short time apart had calmed her down as well, for she was able to talk with him civilly without the slight frown she had worn all evening. “Cullen, do you mind sleeping down here again? I would offer to take turns in the bedroom, but I have to do some important work research before I go to sleep and my stuff is already set up all over the desk.”

“I’m fine with sleeping on the couch and you having the bedroom. I already took whatever I need out of there, so it’s yours for the time being.”

“Oh, alright. Thank you. I suppose I will see you in the morning, then.”

“Yes. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

With a sigh Cullen pulled his phone out to check his text messages. He had one from Cassandra that had been sent several hours ago.

[7:12pm] {Cassandra}: How is everything going? A bit better, I hope?

[9:15pm] {Cullen}: I wish it was. I feel like it gets more and more awkward every time we talk or even spend time together. I don’t even know what to do anymore.

[9:17pm] {Cullen}: She’s going to stay the weekend at her mom’s.

[9:17pm] {Cullen}: Basically, she doesn’t want to be around when I have days off.

[9:24pm] {Cassandra}: Oh no. I’m so sorry, Cullen. Is there anything that I can do to help?

[9:28pm] {Cullen}: I appreciate the thought, but I don’t think so. We just need time to figure this all out, I suppose.

[9:30pm] {Cassandra}: Alright. But please let me know if there is something I can do.

[9:31pm] {Cassandra}: Are you sure you want to come in to work tomorrow?

[9:32pm] {Cullen}: Yes I’m sure. It will be better for everyone, including myself, if I do.

[9:34pm] {Cullen}: At least when I am at work I can keep myself busy. Otherwise I start thinking too much, get lost inside my own head.

[9:36pm] {Cullen}: I’d really rather not have that right now.

[9:37pm] {Cassandra}: As long as you are sure. I will see you tomorrow then.

[9:37pm] {Cassandra}: And I will be there early tomorrow per usual.

[9:39pm] {Cullen}: Haha. Until tomorrow then. Goodnight.

With a small groan, Cullen got to his feet and went to take his shower. Kipper tried to push her way into the bathroom with him, and Cullen let her in so that she didn’t scratch at the door and wake up Malyse. “I’m doing badly enough that you won’t even let me shower alone? Good to know that I’m completely failing in that department as well.”

Cullen stripped off his clothes and stepped into the tub with a sigh. He simply stood there for a while as the hot water enveloped him, lost in thought.

_I don’t know how to do... whatever this is that we’re doing. What we have been trying isn’t working at all. Maybe I need to find someone who can give me some advice. I’m lost, floundering, out of my element. I feel like I’m failing in everything that I am trying to do in my life. My wife, the person that I loved for so long, doesn’t want to be with me anymore. We can’t even have a simple conversation without turning it into an argument. Our constant fighting is even affecting our child. I can’t even get past these stupid nightmares of mine, no matter how many therapy sessions I have or how many pills I take. I just... I’m lost. I’m broken._

_Maybe Malyse is right. Maybe we should start living separately as soon as possible. The tension and stress are so high when we have to spend any amount of time together. This isn’t healthy for any of us, especially for Paige. I know it will be upsetting and confusing for her at first, but isn’t that better than her hearing us yell at each other and watch us avoid each other? I... don’t even know anymore._

_I just... I need help with this. I just don’t know where to turn_.

Cullen’s tears mixed in with the shower water running down his face, and he could almost make himself believe that he wasn’t actually crying. Almost.

Finally he forced himself to shampoo his hair and wash his body. When he was finished and had turned the water off he stood in the tub, dripping and shivering, lost in thought once more. Kipper had to sit by the edge of the tub and whine to bring him back to himself.  

He quickly dried himself, threw on his pyjamas, and made his way to the couch. His mind and body felt impossibly tired. He lightly stroked a hand along Kipper’s back as he started to drift off to sleep. His last thought before he fell unconscious was a wish for Malyse to be asleep or at least stay in bed until he left in the morning.

\---

_Thank the Maker it’s finally Friday_. Dorian raised his arms over his head in a much needed stretch. _I have to get caught up on a lot of paperwork this weekend. Speaking of this weekend_... He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Cullen.

[3:36pm] {Dorian}: Hey, just checking in to get a final confirmation for the playdate tomorrow.

He realized that he hadn’t heard from Cullen in a while. The realization gave Dorian a strange feeling in his chest. Was he actually sad about not receiving any texts from a man who was almost a stranger? _I can’t actually... miss talking to him, can I? I hardly know him_!

“So, are you still going to see your new man this weekend?” Varric teased as he stealthily appeared in Dorian’s office. Dorian yelped and half rose to his feet. Varric laughed and threw himself into Dorian’s spare chair as Dorian tried to slow his pounding heart.

Dorian rolled his eyes. “You know he’s not ‘my man.’ But if you must know, yes I think our daughters are still meeting up tomorrow to play. I texted the dad to make sure. Hopefully it’s still on because Sierra has been talking about it non-stop all week.”

“Sure, Sparkler, I’m sure that’s the reason. He must be a real stud. You have to show me a photo of him.”

“I don’t have any photos of him. I’ve met him one time.” Dorian flicked his phone open as he received a text message.

[3:42pm] {Cullen}: Hey there! We are definitely still on for tomorrow.

[3:43pm] {Cullen}: It’s all Paige has been talking about.

[3:45pm] {Dorian}: Sierra as well. Her poor babysitter haha.

Dorian looked back over at Varric. “Yes, we are still on for tomorrow, by the way.”

Varric shook his head. “Are you telling me that you actually didn’t even consider searching for him on any social media?”

“How would I do that? I don’t even know what his last name is.”

Varric sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Sparkler, you have so much to learn. Don’t worry, though; this is why you have friends like me. Let me see what I can dig up for you.”

“Please, Varric. I don’t need to dig up information on him. I am going to be speaking with him tomorrow. Anything I want to know I can ask him myself.”

[3:50pm] {Cullen}: You might want to buy her a nice little gift to make up for it.

[3:52pm] {Dorian}: She is also one of my closest friends, so I don’t think she minds all that much, thankfully.

“How do you know he is going to tell you the truth?”

Dorian raised an eyebrow. “What makes you think he would lie? I’m not sure why we are even having this discussion in the first place. This isn’t a true date. This is simply to give my daughter a little bit of happiness to try and make up for the moody, half-assed father I’ve been lately.”

“There you go again, putting yourself down. You’ve had it pretty rough the last little while, but that doesn’t make you a bad father. Anyway, my point is that I am your friend and I am just trying to look out for you.”

“I appreciate it, Varric, but I will be fine. Trust me.” Dorian gathered up everything he was going to need on the weekend and stowed it in his bag. He tapped his phone to check the time. “And since it is now officially 4 o’clock, I bid you farewell until Monday.”

“Enjoy yourself, but not too much,” Varric replied with a wink and a grin. Dorian shook his head and clapped him on the shoulder on his way out.

\---

Dorian chatted with Cullen periodically for the remainder of the evening. It was comfortable small talk that kept his mind occupied and his mood light. As the late afternoon sun began to wane, he realized that if he wanted to spend more time with Sierra on the weekend he should get as much work done tonight as he could, especially with Sierra already asleep.

[8:13pm] {Dorian}: I’m sorry to cut this... I was going to say short, but then I realized we have been talking all afternoon. Hah.

[8:14pm] {Dorian} Anyway, I have to get a bit of paperwork done tonight before I go to bed. I promised Sierra I would spend more time with her this weekend.

[8:17pm] {Cullen}: Oh, of course! I’m sorry that I’ve been keeping you from your work.

[8:18pm] {Cullen}: I will leave you be for tonight, then. I don’t want to distract you further.

[8:20pm] {Dorian}: It’s alright! You couldn’t possibly have known.

[8:21pm] {Dorian}: As for being a distraction, I’m sure you will do an excellent job of that tomorrow.

Dorian covered his face with his hands and groaned as he reread what he had sent, desperately wishing for a delete button. _Good job, Dorian. You’re going to scare him away because you can’t control yourself. This isn’t even about you, this is about something that Sierra really wants. Don’t you dare ruin this for her_. Dorian absently combed his hands through his hair as he leaned back against the couch and nervously waited for Cullen’s response.

[8:26pm] {Cullen}: Oh? Is that so?

Dorian sighed in relief. He hadn’t manage to frighten or scare off Cullen just yet. He tried to write an eloquent apology, but he found words were failing him and instead kept it simple.

[8:35pm] {Dorian}: Oh no... I’m so sorry.

[8:35pm] {Dorian}: I tend to get a bit carried away sometimes. My deepest apologies.

[8:40pm] {Cullen}: Haha, it’s alright. No harm done. So I will see you tomorrow bright and early.

[8:40pm] {Cullen}: Good luck with your paperwork!

[8:42pm] {Dorian}: Thank you! And yes I will see you tomorrow morning. Have a good night.

\---

Cullen idly reread the text messages he had exchanged with Dorian that afternoon. One line in particular kept snagging his attention:

_As for being a distraction, I’m sure you will do an excellent job of that tomorrow._

What exactly did Dorian mean by that? Surprisingly, he felt a blush heat his cheeks as he read the line one more time. He frowned at himself in confusion. What was there to be embarrassed about?

Dorian seemed to be a flirtatious person. It had been that way ever since they began texting, although he had never been so blatant about it before. Maybe he was used to talking to his friends in such a manner?

_Get a grip, Cullen. He’s not really flirting with you. This is just him being friendly with you, that’s all. We are simply two strangers getting to know each other because of an unfortunate incident. It’s in his best interest to get to know the father of someone his daughter may be spending time with, after all. I would do the exact same thing. I am doing the same thing, in fact._

_Besides, I’ll bet his tastes are more refined when it comes to the men he is interested in anyway. Untameable hair, scraggly stubble, and a scarred face are all I have going for me. Not exactly a winning combination._

He did have to admit that Dorian was unmistakeably attractive, though. It almost surprised him to admit that, as he hadn’t found himself thinking about other men in that way since he was still in university. It wasn’t an unwelcome feeling, exactly, just... new and maybe a touch strange.

Cullen fell asleep wondering just what he was going to get himself into tomorrow, and if he was going to be able to handle whatever it was.


	7. Play Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The play date is finally here. Paige is beyond ecstatic. Cullen finds himself more nervous than he anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've honestly been having a hard time writing fanfiction lately. 
> 
> However, the other day I received the mostly lovely and unexpected comment on this fic that nearly had me in tears. This prompted me to go look through the chapters and remember how much fun I always have writing it. So for those of you who were waiting for a new chapter, you can thank GangsterBee for this 8D

“Daddyyyy! Is it time to go see Sierra yet?”

Cullen grunted as Paige propelled herself onto his chest. “One of these days you are going to jump too far and fall off the bed,” he rumbled, yawning as he adjusting the position of her body so that her knee wasn’t digging into his rib cage.

Paige giggled. “No I won’t! Is it time, though?”  

Cullen felt as if he had barely fallen asleep before Paige came bounding in, and maybe he had. Nightmares had once again kept him tossing and turning for a large portion of the night, and he was exhausted. _I’m not ready to be awake._ _Please don’t let it be time to get up yet_... Trying to rub the sleep from his eyes, Cullen fumbled for his phone on the nightstand to check the time. He groaned. “Paige, my demon child, there’s still an hour before we should get up.”

“Are you sure?” Paige replied with a pout.

“Super sure.” Cullen carefully rolled onto his side and tucked her against his chest. “How about we don’t get up just yet?”

“But I’m wide awake, daddy.”

“Daddy’s not awake yet, though. I’d really like it if we could try to sleep a little longer.”

“I don’t think I can,” Paige protested weakly even as she snuggled in under his chin.

“Will you please try? I didn’t sleep very well last night.”

“Did you have bad dreams again, daddy?”

Cullen sighed and stroked her hair. “Yes, goldilocks, I had a lot of bad dreams.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “So can we please close our eyes and try to sleep a bit more?” Feeling Paige’s nod against his chest, he tucked the blankets more snugly around them and drifted back to sleep.

\---

Despite Paige’s earlier protests that she wasn’t tired, when Cullen woke next he could feel the deep, even breathing of her chest against his. He smiled and shook his head slightly.

 _Maybe I could hit the snooze button one more time_ … Cullen shifted his body slightly to stretch. _Or not_ , he amended as Paige began to stir.

“Is it time yet?” she mumbled, tilting her head back to peer up at him sleepily.

“Yes, Paige.”

Her eyes flew open as a grin spread across her face. “Really?” she squeaked excitedly.

“Well, we could always sleep a little more if you want.”

“No!” Her hands reached up to grab at his cheeks. “I really want to go see Sierra!”

“I can tell,” Cullen replied with a chuckle. “Have you picked your outfit yet?”

“Of course! I picked it out two days ago.”

Cullen couldn’t help but laugh at her serious face. “Go get dressed, then, while I find something to wear.”

Kipper yawned and stretched, lounging on her bed and watching Cullen move around the bedroom. He squatted down for a few minutes to scratch behind her ears and kiss her nose. Her tail slapped lazily against the floor as she leaned into his hand.

Catching a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror as he entered the bathroom, Cullen winced at his appearance. His hair fell every which way across his head in unruly curls and tangles. He had deep circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep. His skin was pale and dull beneath his freckles. Not bothering to shave lately, the coarse stubble on his cheeks was threatening to become a full beard. _I look like I’m ill_ , he thought to himself with a heavy sigh as his grip on the edge of the sink tightened almost painfully. _This is ridiculous. I need to start taking better care of myself._

 _Maybe shaving will help, at least for now._ With another sigh, he turned his attention to making himself look a little more presentable.

After a while Paige came to find him. She had chosen dark blue jeans and a white t-shirt with a green dragon soaring across it. Cullen nodded approvingly. Dragons were one of Paige’s favourite creatures, much to Malyse’s dismay and Cullen’s delight.

“Can you help me do my hair, daddy?” she asked, holding out her hair brush.

“Of course I can. Just let me finish up here.” Cullen carefully put his shaving supplies away and motioned for Paige to sit on the bed.

As he bent down to take her brush, Paige reached up and touched his face. “Oh, you have smooth cheeks now,” she noted approvingly.

Cullen pretended to pout. “You don’t like my stubble?”

“It’s too scratchy on my face,” Paige replied, wrinkling her nose and shaking her head.

“It’s not scratchy once it gets longer. Maybe I should grow a Santa Claus beard.”

Paige frowned as she thought about it for a moment. “No, that would look silly,” she said finally.

Cullen snorted. “I’ll keep that in mind. I would hate to look silly.” He carefully began pulling the brush through Paige’s hair, working at the tangles that her curls inevitably turned into. “How do you want to wear your hair today?”

“Can you braid it for me?”

“I can try,” Cullen hedged. “I’m not very good at it just yet.”

“You can do it, daddy, I know you can! It’s easy.”

“With that much faith, I think I can pretty much do anything,” Cullen replied with a smile. “Alright, let’s try and remember how this works.”

\---

They left the house a bit early, in case there were any issues getting to the place. Fortunately the directions Dorian gave were spot on and traffic was decent, and they found themselves at the park before Dorian and Sierra. They sat down on an empty picnic table bench near the entrance to wait.

Paige fidgeted in her seat, staring down at her feet and tapping her toes together. Cullen patted her knee soothingly. “Are you nervous?”

“No!” she protested immediately, before biting her lip and falling silent. "Well... mayyyybe.”

“There is nothing to be nervous about, Paige.” Cullen ruffled her hair, the stray curls that had escaped her braid flying everywhere as Paige made a face and tried to duck out of his reach.

“There is, though!” Paige argued. “What if she doesn’t want to play anymore? Or what if she doesn’t like me anymore?”

“What makes you think she wouldn’t want to play anymore? I’m sure her dad would have told me if she had changed her mind.”

“Well… I hit her with my bucket, daddy. That’s pretty mean.” Paige hung her head in shame.

Even though it pained him to see Paige upset, Cullen couldn’t help but feel incredibly proud, and more than a little relieved. _She knows what she did was wrong, and feels genuinely bad about it. We haven’t completely ruined her yet._

“Goldilocks.” Cullen paused until Paige looked up at him. “I agree that it was not a nice thing to do. This is why we need to think before we do something, especially when we’re angry. However, I’m happy that you realized you did something wrong and told her you were sorry. I think that helped a lot. You even gave her something of yours as an extra gesture of kindness.”  

“I guess so. I hope she forgives me still.” Paige made to slide off the bench, a sombre expression on her face, but Cullen stopped her.

“Not so fast. That expression you’re wearing is not allowed today.” He hooked an around her waist and pulled her onto his lap, holding her in place with one hand while tickling her rib cage with the other. Paige shrieked with laughter and flailed as she tried to escape his grip.

“Starting the fun without us, are we?”

Cullen felt a flutter of sudden nervousness as he heard Dorian’s voice behind them. “Keeping the unruly child in line, is all,” he managed to reply as he set Paige down onto the bench and rose to his feet. “Ah, good morning.”

“Good morning.”

Dorian was standing just behind the bench with a big smile on his face. He had a tray of drinks in his hand as promised, as well as what looked to be a large doughnut box. Sierra shyly waved hello at Dorian’s side as she clutched the stuffed nug Paige had given her.

Cullen felt completely out of his element. They had been texting back and forth, had even called each other a few times, but this was something else entirely. Casual one-on-one conversations with new people had never been something Cullen was very skilled at. He always overly worried he would say the wrong thing or do something embarrassing.

Paige apparently had no such issues, as she immediately went over to say hello to Dorian and began chattering excitedly with Sierra about what activities they could do. Sierra listened intently with wide eyes, nodding and apparently content to let Paige make the plans.

Dorian looked down at the girls with a smile as he set the tray and box onto the table. “I realized just as I stepped up to order that I had forgotten to ask what you and Paige like to drink, so I’m afraid that I had to improvise a bit. Sorry about that.”

Cullen shook his head in wonder. “It was really thoughtful of you to get all these delicious looking things, but you didn’t have to buy all of it. It’s only fair that I pay for half.”

“Nonsense, Cullen. It’s my treat. Besides, I said that I would bring coffee and if there’s one thing I pride myself on, it’s that I always keep my word.” Dorian checked the sides of the cups before handing one to Cullen. “For some _strange_ reason I got the feeling that you would be a sweet coffee drinker, so there is a small mountain of whipped cream and chocolate syrup on yours.”

“However did you guess?” Cullen grinned as he accepted the cup. “That is indeed what I like, thank you.”

Dorian pulled two smaller cups off the tray and offered one to each of the girls. “Paige, I wasn’t sure if you like hot chocolate, but I brought one for both you and Sierra.”

Paige’s eyes went wide. “For me? I love hot chocolate, thank you!”

“You’re welcome. Maybe the two of you can sit here with us for a few minutes and drink these with some of the pastries I brought. How does that sound?”

“And then we can go and play?” Paige asked as she climbed back onto the bench next to Cullen.

“Of course you can. That’s why we are here, after all.” Dorian opened the box of pastries with a flourish. “I got an assortment in an attempt to get something that everyone might like. Here’s some napkins for them as well. Girls, pick whichever ones you want first.”

When Paige and Sierra had consumed their fill of hot chocolate and pastries, which didn’t take long, they begged to be allowed to go and play. They were sent off after promising to stay together and stay within sight of the picnic table.

Suddenly Cullen was acutely aware that he and Dorian were alone. The butterflies began fluttering around in his stomach again and he found himself feeling slightly intimidated, almost... _shy_ . He wasn’t quite sure why he felt this way. _It’s not a big deal, Cullen. It’s just a quiet sit down with another dad. An attractive and well-spoken dad, albeit, but it’s nothing you can’t handle._

“It’s quite interesting how children can take so quickly to one another,” Dorian commented with a smile as he turned his head to watch the girls play for a moment.

Cullen nodded in agreement as he took a tentative first sip of his coffee. He was pleasantly surprised to find it was almost exactly how he liked it. _Good guess_. “Enemies to friends in minutes, and then friends to best friends in the same amount of time.”

“I suppose it’s not so surprising then that their dads took to each other quickly as well-” Dorian looked over in concern as Cullen suddenly choked on his mouthful of coffee. “Are you alright?”

“Wrong pipe,” Cullen wheezed as he turned to the side in a fit of coughing. _Smooth, Cullen. You really know how to make a good impression._

Dorian rose and rounded the table to pat at Cullen’s back until his lungs were clear. “I’m not a doctor, but this is supposed to help, right?” he asked.

“Yes. I’m alright now, thank you.” Cullen cleared his throat lightly and wrapped his hands around his coffee cup, looking down at the table. He could feel his cheeks burning, a combination of the coughing and embarrassment, and it only made him feel more awkward. He tried to focus Dorian’s attention on something else. “So, ah, you’re apparently not a doctor. May I ask what type of work you do, then?”

“Actually, my parents did in fact want me to become a doctor, but I didn’t find the idea the least bit appealing. I dislike blood and other bodily fluids, you see.” Dorian wrinkled his nose in distaste. “I stubbornly argued against it. Eventually I even left home because my parents wouldn’t drop the subject. Instead of a doctor I became an attorney.”

Cullen whistled. “That’s quite an interesting job.”

“It is. I really love what I do. The only downside is the mountain of paperwork involved, but I feel like that’s a small price to pay for being able to make a difference in someone’s life.”

“So that’s what the paperwork last night was for, then.”

“Yes. It was dreadfully boring and tedious, but I managed to trudge through a good chunk of it. My client will be most pleased.” Dorian paused to grab a chocolate pastry and take a few dainty bites. “May I ask what you do?” he asked after a moment.

“Nothing quite so glamorous, I’m afraid. I’m a veterinarian.”

Dorian hummed thoughtfully as he sipped his coffee. “Now that must be quite the job. You must really have a way with animals.”

“I like to think that I do,” Cullen replied with a small chuckle. “I’ve always been more of an animal person than a people person, though, so I bit the bullet and went through the long years of schooling. It can be a difficult job, but I do find it really rewarding most of the time.”

“Coincidentally enough, I’ve been on the lookout for a good vet. My regular one is retiring shortly, and I don’t trust my furry little beast to just anyone.”

“I know the feeling,” Cullen replied with a smile. “They become like another child.”

“It’s worse than having another child. Sierra’s much easier to take care of than Lady. A bit of a diva, that one, so she can give the vet grief sometimes.”

Cullen laughed. “I have a few patients like that, don’t worry. I’m not afraid.”

“Glad to hear it. You seem more than capable,” Dorian replied approvingly.

Cheeks flushing slightly from the praise, Cullen ducked his head to rifle through the cards in his wallet. “We do have space at my clinic if you’re interested.” He pulled a card out and passed it to Dorian. “There’s the information.”

“Thank you, that’s wonderful.”

They sat quietly together for a few minutes watching the girls play and picking at the pastries. Cullen was curious about Dorian’s life and wondering what questions he could get away with asking, but apparently Dorian was interested in him as well.

“I hate to pry, and please feel free to tell me it’s none of my business, but are things any better with the soon-to-be ex-wife?”

Cullen sighed. “I only wish they were. Well... in a way I suppose they are. It sounds like she is going to spend a lot of time at her mother’s place until we come up with a more permanent arrangement.”

Dorian opened his mouth to respond, but apparently thought better of it. After a moment, he tried again. “I was going to say I was sorry to hear that, but I think this might actually be better for both of you. I wish I had done something similar at the end of my relationship.”

“Yeah?” Cullen prompted.

“Absolutely,” Dorian replied with a firm nod. “Near the end all we did was fight about everything, from large things like him being away all the time to smalls things like who should take the garbage out.” He frowned suddenly. “It upset Sierra so much, and I couldn’t bear to do that to her any longer.”

“That’s what I’m worried about happening to Paige,” Cullen confided.

“That’s why I ended things between us right then and there and asked him to leave. At first I stayed because I thought it would be better for Sierra, but I finally realized that I was just trying to do what was easiest for me.” Dorian glanced over at Sierra and his face was filled with pure adoration. “She deserves so much better than that.”

Cullen found himself smiling in return. “It makes me feel a little better to hear this from someone who has been through a similar ordeal. My friend told me the same thing, but it doesn’t have the same weight coming from her because she’s never been married and has no children.”

“Sometimes it is wise to listen to our friends. My friend Sera, the little minx, deleted my ex’s number from my phone so I couldn’t text him anymore,” Dorian replied with a laugh.

Cullen raised an eyebrow. “But didn’t block his number?”

Dorian tilted his head thoughtfully. “I never thought of that. I suppose he could still contact me.” He shrugged. “I’ll just have to hope that he doesn’t bother.”

“And he really wants nothing to do with Sierra?” Cullen couldn’t imagine removing himself from his daughter’s life in such a manner.

A rude sound escaped Dorian’s lips. “It depends on the day, really. Some days he can’t do enough for her and it will be like old times. On other days he can’t even bother to answer the phone when Sierra calls him just to say hello.”

Cullen thought Dorian’s voice held a bit of sadness. “You miss him too,” he said softly.

Dorian stared down at the table in front of him. “I suppose I do,” he agreed. “Even though I should know better. Sometimes the heart takes a little longer than the mind to fully understand.”

The painful truth of his statement hit Cullen hard. _This what I have to look forward to with Malyse. If he still hurts from his break-up, what chance in hell do I have?_ He felt his muscles tensing in response, and he had to work to unclench his jaw.

As if sensing Cullen’s sudden change in mood, Dorian turned his attention to the bag at his side while Cullen composed himself, for which Cullen was grateful. _I can’t think like that. I have to be positive._ He internally shook himself and forced his attention on Paige’s excitement and the nice day they had been having so far. He felt himself starting to calm down, and breathed a tiny sigh of relief.  

After a moment Dorian cleared his throat lightly and pulled out a business card of his own. “By the way, if you are in need of any legal services for your divorce, feel free to let me know. My firm specializes in these types of cases. Or you can just call me if you ever need someone to talk to about it with.”

Cullen forced himself to smile. “Thank you.” He turned his head as the girls came racing back to the table.

Sierra rushed to Dorian’s side and tugged at his sleeve. “Papa, could we go to Paige’s house? She said her daddy made her a really neat doll house out of wood with his own hands and she wants to show me.”

Dorian put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “Well, that didn’t take the two of you very long. I don’t think we should just invite ourselves over, princess.” He looked over at Cullen for help.

“Can we have them over daddy? Please?” Paige pleaded. “We could even make dinner for them!”

Cullen shrugged. “Uh… well, I don’t see why not. That is, if Dorian is alright with this, of course.”

“I wouldn’t mind at all,” Dorian replied as he nodded in agreement. “It sounds like it would be fun.”

“So can we go now?” Paige asked excitedly.

Cullen blinked. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m not sure we can do it today, girls.”

Sierra pouted a little. “But why not?”

“I’m sure they need some time to prepare,” Dorian added, coming to Cullen’s defense. “Besides, there are some things we need to get done today. And we promised Sera that we’d help her today, remember?”

Paige wasn’t deterred. “When can we do it then?” she asked.

Cullen ruffled Paige’s hair. “How about this: Dorian and I will check our calendars and see when we are available and then we will pick a date. Sound good?”

After conversing quietly together, the girls grudgingly agreed and went back to playing.

A short while later Dorian received a phone call from Sera. She had asked him for help transferring some art pieces for a show, and the event organized had now informed her that she needed to be there even earlier than expected.

Paige and Sierra protested a little, but were soothed by the promise of getting together soon. They even hugged each other before they parted, something Cullen had never seen Paige do before. They were building a very special friendship, it seemed. Cullen was just happy that Paige had something to draw attention away from the tense situation at home.

_I seem to have found a distraction of a sort as well, surprisingly enough. This new friendship with Dorian couldn’t have happened at a better time._

\---

[7:38pm] {Dorian}: So apparently Sierra really has her heart set on coming over to visit Paige. She’s been talking about it since we got home.

[7:41pm] {Cullen}: Paige has as well, and is already planning the menu.

[7:46pm] {Dorian}: I hope they weren’t putting you on the spot.

[7:47pm] {Cullen}: No, no, not at all.

[7:48pm] {Cullen}: They just caught me off guard with the suddenness of it haha.

[7:53pm] {Dorian}: I’m with you on that one! Never a dull moment when you have kids.

[8:00pm] {Cullen}: That’s for sure. I am quite happy to host the playdate at my house, by the way.

[8:02pm] {Cullen}: I’ll need to clear it with the ex first, though.

[8:05pm] {Dorian}: Take your time. The girls can learn a little patience.

[8:07pm] {Cullen}: Haha, good luck with that.

[8:09pm] {Dorian}: Hey now, a dad can hope!

[8:10pm] {Cullen}: I’ll try not to dash your hopes too hard.

[8:15pm] {Cullen}: I suppose this means we will be seeing a lot more of each other in the future.

[8:17pm] {Cullen}: Face-to-face, I mean, instead of just texting.

[8:25pm] {Dorian}: I suppose it does, at that. I, for one, look forward to it.

[8:26pm] {Cullen}: I look forward to it as well.

 

 

~~~~~~

Thanks for reading! You can also find me on tumblr [[here](http://www.aeradaewrites.tumblr.com)]


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